


The Cruelty of Lines

by radiantradish



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU of some sort, Angst, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, is this a tokyo au, some alcohol, some language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25975216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiantradish/pseuds/radiantradish
Summary: Daichi’s family moved to Tokyo when he was thirteen, he hasn’t seen his best friend since then, until he moves in next door twelve years later. But is Sugawara still the childhood friend he remembers?
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 70





	1. New Old Neighbors

_“Koushi-chan don’t get your cast wet.”_

_“Yeah, yeah I know!” Suga called back to Daichi’s mom as they raced toward the ocean, the waves crashing in. “I’m gonna beat you Daichi!” he yelled not slowing as they reached the water, stumbling into it raising the arm in the cast high above his head laughing. Daichi splashed in after him breathlessly, tossing himself into the wave that had risen to meet them. He emerged sputtering, wiping the water from his eyes. Suga immediately splashed more water into his face laughing maniacally. Careless of the consequences Daichi splashed him back. Suga shouting raising the cast higher over his head._

_“The cast! The cast!” he complained. Daichi stopped, panting, as Suga peeked out from behind his arms at Daichi, he still had a mischievous look in his eyes and Daichi took a step back._

_“Hey wait up!” Takeo was shouting after them._

_“Daichi, I saw that!” Daichi’s mom was shouting running down the beach toward them, “Don’t get Koushi’s cast wet, what did I just say?” Daichi winced a little._

_“Not fair,” he grumbled, Suga giggling just a little._

_“Daichi’s in trouble,” he snickered._

_“Shut up, you were asking for it.”_

_Takeo reached them, his little face red from the effort, his stomped in the shallows, kicking up water with his feet._

_Later Daichi was breathing hard, lying in the damp sand feeling the water rush up and then recede just as easily. Suga was sitting up beside him digging in the sand slowly building up a castle, the seawater kept rushing in and eroding it as fast as he could build it up. They’d put a plastic bag over his arm in the cast. Suga had complained saying he felt like a mutant with a bag for an arm. Takeo had run around and around until he’d finally retreated to the house and passed out on the floor._

_“I wish we lived here,” Daichi said finally sitting up out of the water._

_“Huh?” Suga looked up at him and frowning as the water washed out the foundations of his castle again._

_“And every day was summer. No more school.”_

_Suga smiled his crooked grin._

_“Can I live here too?”_

Daichi’s next door neighbors had moved out three days ago and now it was Saturday and the new tenants were moving in. He could hear them banging around next door as he tried to finish grading the assignments he’d collected yesterday. There were times like today where he was grateful he didn’t teach something that required essay writing. Grading was as easy as checking answers against his key. He heard the balcony door slam open next door.

“Hey did you see this view?” a voice called back. Daichi smiled a little to himself. The view wasn’t anything special but they were on the top floor which made it something anyway. He poured himself another cup of coffee, wondering who his neighbors were. The voices sounded young.

Under the pretense of taking out the trash, Daichi ran into one of them in the hallway. He was short with strawberry blonde hair, staggering under the weight of a box that seemed much bigger than he should be able to lift. Daichi moved to catch the other end of the box.

“Let me help,” he offered. The other man peered around the end of the box with a grateful grin.

“You’re next door?” Daichi asked as they carried the box up the last flight of stairs.

“Not really. I’m just helping my friend move,” he said. “Thanks,” they carried the box to the door and the man fumbled with the doorknob.

“Hey dumbass open up!” he shouted when he couldn’t get it, banging his elbow on the door. After a moment the door handle turned and a man with ash blonde hair opened the door, a mole under his eye, his face in a grin. When Daichi saw him he felt all the air leave his lungs and just as quickly he shook it off, no, there was no way.

“Who’s this, Yaku?” the man asked looking curiously at Daichi his eyebrows pulling together.

“Your neighbor, right?” Yaku asked looking to Daichi who could only nod, not trusting his voice.

“I live next door,” he finally said, Yaku’s friend had looked away directing them to the living room space. The apartment was nearly identical to Daichi’s, he didn’t know why he expected it to be different but somehow it was unsettling to see the space nearly the same to the one he’d moved into two years ago.

“Thanks,” Yaku said when they’d set the box down. Daichi was looking again at his new neighbor trying to convince himself he was imagining things. “I didn’t catch your name?”

“Daichi,” Daichi answered Yaku absently. The man with the grey hair didn’t react, didn’t even look over. Daichi felt his heart sink, maybe he was imagining it. “I’ll get out of your way,” he apologized moving for the door. “It was nice meeting you…” he said as he opened the door, the man turned now, and Daichi knew it was him, the way his eyes settled on him, the shape of his eyebrows. If he recognized Daichi he said nothing. “If you need anything just let me know,” he said letting himself out.

“Later!” called Yaku after him. Daichi returned to his apartment, feeling confused, his heart a knot in his chest.

Later when the sun had gone down he stepped out onto his balcony to soak in the cool night air. He had plans with Tanaka tonight but didn’t need to leave for a bit. He had been sitting for a while with his feet up on the balcony railing before he realized his neighbor was outside as well, leaning on the railing, his eyes far away. It hit Daichi again, he’d been turning the man’s face over and over in his head all afternoon.

“Hey,” he called finally mustering the courage. The man turned to look at him. “It’s a nice view isn’t it?”

“Yeah, not bad,” the man agreed.

“What did you say your name was again? I swear I’ve seen you somewhere before,” Daichi said as easily as he could, like it was no difference to him who this man was. The man weighed that a moment, a smile pulling on his lips.

“I’m Sugawara Koushi,” he said, “Your family name is Sawamura isn’t it?”

Daichi’s heart thudded at the smile that Koushi was fixing on him.

“No way,” he said, “I thought,” he started and then stopped, “I can’t believe it. Suga, it’s been a long time.”

“Tell me about it,” Koushi said exhaling, eyes straying back to the city spread out around them. Daichi got up to the railing as if he could close the space between them.

“You still go by Suga right?”

“Yep, some things never change huh?”

“How’ve you been? It’s been what, eleven, twelve years?”

“It feels like a lifetime,” Suga said not really answering his question. Daichi didn’t know what else to say, a hundred questions forming and then dismissing each one as too much to ask. 

“What’re you doing here?” he finally choked out. Suga looked at him again, a little startled.

“I’ve got a job down the street, the rent was right,” he said flushing a little, brushing his hair back out of his face.

“I mean, here in Tokyo,” Daichi said. He could clearly remember Mrs. Sugawara vowing they would never leave Sendai. Suga laying on the couch groaning. _“Not even to visit?” “Maybe to visit. I’d never want to live in Tokyo.” “Why not? Everything is in Tokyo!”_

Suga’s expression was unclear to Daichi across the space that separated them. He shrugged noncommittally.

“I dunno, no reason why,” he said with a face that said there was a reason why and he did not want to talk about it. “Sorry, I’ve got a lot of unpacking to do but let’s catch up later,” Suga said then stepping back into his apartment before Daichi could argue.

Mrs. Sugawara had worked long shifts at the med clinic. Daichi had first met Suga in the empty lot at the edge of their neighborhood where the grass grew long and there was one tall tree that was good for climbing. Suga had been much younger than any kid that should’ve been running around on his own, he was digging a hole. Daichi, who had slipped his Dad’s careful watch, approached with trepidation and wanted to know what Suga was doing.

“Digging” was his answer and Daichi joined him until his fingernails were packed with dirt and they got bored. Attempting to catch dragonflies they spent the rest of the afternoon until Daichi’s father had arrived loud and angry with Daichi for running off.

They’d gone to school together too, easily falling into step together, the same bus picked them up and Daichi always saved a seat for Suga. Suga had been all scrawny arms and legs then, there were kids who teased him for being small, until his big hazel eyes would fill with tears. In contrast Daichi was all blunt edges, sturdy arms, round shoulders, he was taller than most of the boys in their class and he soon found that one mean look from him was usually enough to scatter anyone who thought Suga was an easy target. Sometimes they’d both be the target, Daichi and his “weird” friend, but that was always easy to ignore, Daichi thought, as long as he and Suga were together it didn’t matter what kind of things those kids said.

Grown up Suga was the same height as Daichi, the same bright hazel eyes he’d always had but with the confidence of someone who is comfortable in their own body. Daichi caught sight of him dumping trash down the chute the next afternoon on his way out. It was strange to feel like you knew somebody but simultaneously know nothing about them.

On the way home from school Daichi had stopped in to the coffee shop down the block from his apartment, reaching the counter to order his regular to find himself face to face with Sugawara.

“Suga!” his surprise mirrored in Suga’s face.

“You stalking me, Daichi?” he asked with a smirk. Daichi barked a laugh at that.

“This is where you work?”

“Got a problem with that?”

“No, you picked a good place. Ennoshita runs a tight ship,” Daichi said.

Ennoshita’s head turned from where he was cleaning out one of the machines.

“Hey Daichi!”

“You’re a regular then?”

“Get ready to see me this time, every day,” Daichi told Suga with a grin.

When Suga brought around his drink minutes later, he pulled up a chair to Daichi’s table. Sitting on it backwards, resting his chin on this arms on the back.

“Sorry about the other night,” he said, “It’s weird. We’re all grown up now.”

“It is weird,” Daichi agreed.

“I’ve got to know though, did Takeo turn out to be a super genius? Is he the CEO of some tech start up, a multi-millionaire?” Suga asked. Daichi almost spat out his coffee.

“How’d you know?” he laughed. “I don’t know about multi-millionaire, he’s more of a spendthrift than me, but you got the rest of it right.”

“I’ve always speculated, he was that kind of kid.”

“He was wasn’t he?” Daichi agreed thinking about his nerdy little brother. “What about me? Where’d you think I’d end up?” Suga’s smile faded a little.

“You’re harder to pin down,” he said thoughtfully, “I guess I thought you’d be a volleyball coach in some small town school. I didn’t think you’d still be in Tokyo.”

“So I’m a disappointment?”

“Tell me what you’re actually doing and I’ll let you know,” Suga said grinning again, reaching to take a sip of Daichi’s coffee. He grimaced a little, “You definitely take your coffee bad. Too sweet.”

“What? Do you drink it black?”

Suga’s eyes lit up, a grin splitting his face.

“You’re still a menace,” Daichi told him.

“Some things never change. Okay, spill, what do you do? Actually no, let me guess,” Suga looked him over, button up shirt, work slacks, satchel bag. Daichi felt heat in his face, Suga still had his contagious energy, quick expressions on his face, bright eyes. This Suga was a little different than the man he’d met on the balcony with the heavy expression.

“What do you think?” Daichi asked. Suga scratched his chin.

“I’m going to go with stuffy librarian.”

“I teach math at the high school.”

“No, that’s worse,” Suga groaned. “Math? Really? I was trying to pick something really boring, but reality is way worse.”

“So now I’m boring?”

“Daichi, you were always boring,” Suga laughed reaching for his coffee again.

“Keep your hands off my gross coffee,” Daichi said batting him off. Suga took it anyway. “And you’re a barista.”

“At least I don’t teach math,” Suga said still smiling. Daichi felt dazzled looking into his eyes again, a hundred ancient feelings still there in his chest, rekindling embers.

“Sugawara, can I get some _help_ up here?” Ennoshita called with a classic unamused expression, a small line of people waiting at the counter.

“Oops, I’ll see you around, Daichi,” Suga said leaping up and running to help.

It was the middle of the night later in the week when the fire alarm when off. Daichi stumbled in a daze from his apartment, rubbing his eyes and heading down the stairwell. Outside the other tenants were converging, speculating about what had happened. There were no flames to be seen, someone said they’d smelled smoke. Unconsciously Daichi found himself scanning the faces in the dim streetlight for the one familiar face. Finally he spotted him, sitting on the curb head down on his bare knees, slippers on his feet.

“How long do you think we’ll be out here?”

The messy head of hair shifted and Suga looked up at Daichi smothering a yawn.

“What would happen if I just went back inside and went back to sleep?”

“Asahi, the superintendent, would probably stop you,” Daichi said, glancing toward the man in question, he was talking seriously with the old lady that lived on the first floor. He was their age, long hair tied up in a bun, scruffy face. He was wearing a robe right now, glasses perched on his nose. He and Daichi went out for drinks every once in a while, he was a shy guy but he had a never ending supply of rowdy friends who always showed up at the bar when they were there.

“Not if you distract him.”

“What if there’s actually a fire,” Daichi said with a smile. At which point, as if to prove his point, the fire department arrived, two men entering the building to investigate.

“An actual fire is just an added bonus,” Suga said, tucking his head back down on his arms. Daichi sat down next to him.

“How long have you been in Tokyo?”

“For a bit, uh,” Suga answered him. “I was living with Yaku for a while, he’s finishing up university.”

“Why didn’t you ever look for me?” the words came out before Daichi could stop them. Suga’s eyebrows leapt up, flushing a little.

“God, Daichi its Tokyo, how would I have looked for you?”

“Do you think its fate then that you ended up in this building?”

Suga gazed up at him with a curious look.

“What’s this? Sawamura Daichi talking about fate?”

“You know what I mean,” Daichi said feeling hot under Suga’s eyes. He shrugged.

“I don’t believe in fate. Everything doesn’t happen for a reason. It’s all just random casual cruelty.”

“Cruelty?”

“For the most part,” Suga yawned again, his lips pulled down. “I’m glad you’re here though. A better added bonus than actual fire.”

“Thanks, I think?”

Two firemen emerged from the building to talk to the super.

“All clear,” called Asahi waving to the crowd.

“Guess we can go back to bed now,” Suga said climbing to his feet. He offered his hand to Daichi to pull him up. Daichi let him. They walked all the way back up together in comfortable silence.

“Goodnight,” Daichi said when he reached his door. Suga gave him a wave, other hand covering a yawn.

Daichi ran into Suga in the hallway one evening on his way out to get drinks with Tanaka. Suga was wearing a backpack and glasses, looking smudged and tired. Daichi knew for a fact he’d worked all day at the coffee shop.

“Where’re you going?”

“World literature. I’m taking some night classes at the university,” Suga said past a yawn he was trying to cover. “What about you? Just creepily following me? You want to come read some Hemmingway with us?”

“I’ll pass,” Daichi said with a grin. “I’m going to grab drinks with the volleyball coach, I was going to ask if you wanted to join us, but I guess probably not tonight?”

“You’re the kid Mom always warned me about, trying to get me to skip school to drink booze.”

Daichi laughed.

“Are you in a graduate course?” Daichi asked. He’d been thinking about going back himself, to do something for public service, something where he could help more than just kids who couldn’t conceptualize algebra.

“Oh, uh,” Suga’s face reddened. “I never finished undergrad.”

“Oh,” Daichi had just assumed. Suga had always been one of the smartest kids in the class. He’d just assumed he’d already gotten a degree and was working in the coffee shop while trying to reel in the dream job because that was something Suga would do. Something in teaching or art maybe, or he was starting his own business.

“I uh,” Suga scratched the back of his head, they’d reached the bottom of the stairs and were through the doors out into the clear autumn night. “My first semester didn’t go so great and I dropped out, just been taking classes here and there since then. I’ll finish it eventually, probably, maybe.”

“That’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Daichi was quick to assure him. Suga flushed again.

“You don’t need to coddle me, I know I’m lame.”

“You’re not lame,” Daichi assured him.

“See, that’s what you tell someone who is definitely lame. College drop-out, wearing these dumb glasses, going to class instead of out drinking with friends.”

“The glasses aren’t dumb, they’re cute,” Daichi almost clapped a hand over his mouth to suck the words back in. “Make you look smart for once,” he kept going trying to cover. Suga gave him a look that was difficult to read.

“Whatever,” he said in response, a little red in the face, stuffing his hands into his pockets. _Cute._ “I hope you enjoy your drinks and know that I am definitely awake in class suffering and listening to this professor confess his undying love for that Hemmingway bastard.”

“Will do,” Daichi promised as their paths split.

“Okay, so why have you been ditching practice again?” Tanaka was waiting for him at the bar where his sister worked. He was still in his tracksuit from club, shaved head, eyes bright and cheery. He might cut an intimidating picture if you didn’t know him, but Daichi knew him only too well. His sister gave them a family discount and between Tanaka and Daichi their desire for cheap drinks outweighed any humiliation Saeko might heap on them. They’d been in volleyball club together in high school, reunited at the high school where they both worked, Tanaka told him it was fate. Unlike Suga he believed in that stuff. Tanaka was a hopeless romantic.

“I haven’t been ditching, I’m not even part of the club,” Daichi repeated to Tanaka for what was probably the third time. Since he’d discovered Suga worked at the coffee shop, more often than not that was where he went after school instead of staying with Tanaka to harass the surly teenagers in club.

“Sure you are, you’re the assistant advisor,” Tanaka said.

“That isn’t a thing.”

“It is a thing. You are that thing,” Tanaka said, “At least tell me it’s something good. You’ve got a hot date or something. You’re moving out of that run down building? Takeo is letting you join him in that fancy house?” he raised his eyebrows. Tanaka could not understand why Daichi didn’t want to live with his mom and brother in the big house uptown that Takeo had bought. Takeo had offered but Daichi valued his independence a little bit more than the money saving luxury. Then at least he didn’t have to listen to his mom fawning over Takeo’s success all the time and feel the implied disappointment that her firstborn wasn’t the glowing star she had hoped for.

“Takeo can keep his fancy house. You’ve got some nerve calling my place rundown. When you go home at night do you shut your eyes?”

Tanaka laughed loudly at that, taking a gulp of his beer and then turning his head at a shout from across the room.

“Hey there’s Noya! Noya!” he called waving at a short man with the bleached bit of bangs. The man’s intense eyes found them immediately, he waved enthusiastically. Another member of Daichi’s high school team.

“Ryu! Daichi!” he called elbowing his way to the bar and hopping up on the stool next to Tanaka. “My dudes!” Daichi sipped his beer while Tanaka and Nishinoya hashed out the last twenty four hours of their lives as if they didn’t meet at this bar almost every night, as if they were not room mates. It was always strange in a way Daichi could not shake, when he saw Tanaka at school and Nishinoya was not at his side.

“School’s the only place I’ve got any chance of finding a girlfriend,” Tanaka had lamented once to Daichi. “No, not like that, you perv,” he added when Daichi laughed at him, “I mean the teachers at school, because otherwise Noya is always around. No one has eyes for me when they could look at him instead. He’s always the star of the show.”

“I don’t know about that,” Daichi told him. “Noya definitely stands out but I don’t think that means you’re invisible.”

“Just what I needed, some Daichi Encouragement™,” Tanaka sighed with a teasing grin, “That’s how you made captain, making everyone feel like they’re something special.”

“Shut up, I’m being serious.”

“I don’t know how you’re single at all. Unless because you’re oblivious as fuck. Just shine some of that magic Encouragement on your person and bam, instant sex.”

“Tanaka, what are you trying to tell me?”

“I dunno, just that your power is wasted on me. No offense, my dude.”

“Shut up. Listening to you is embarrassing.”

“And just like that all the Daichi Encouragement™ has evaporated from my body. I’ve returned to pH neutral.”

_“I think I can see your house from here,” Daichi called to Suga. His friend swung up into the lowest branches, bare feet against the tree, climbing up to join him, wind in his hair._

_“I can’t see it,” he complained from below._

_“You gotta come up here,” Daichi said, carefully lowering himself a few branches. Suga tested the branches uneasily as he ascended._

_“Sure it’ll hold me?”_

_“It held me so I think you’re fine,” Daichi assured him. Suga pulled himself up. He let out a crow at the sight._

_“There’s your house too,” he said grinning at Daichi. “I can see the crane at the harbor too,” he said, shifting his position, “Daichi-“ there was a snap and suddenly Suga was falling, briefly catching himself on a branch before hitting the ground below, lying absolutely still. Daichi thought for sure he was dead._

_“Suga!” Daichi climbed down, hands trembling. By the time he’d reached the ground Suga was sitting up cradling his arm, teeth clenched. “Are you okay?”_

_“Shit,” Suga hissed, “My arm.”_

_They walked to the clinic, Suga was pale and pouring sweat when they’d arrived. Mrs. Sugawara looked so tired when she came out into the waiting room, Daichi felt even worse than he already did. Crouching in front of Suga, she held the back of her hand to his forehead, while Suga’s face remained serious. Gently she prodded at his arm and he grimaced._

_“Do you hurt anywhere else, Koushi? I thought you boys knew better than to climb up so high,” she said shaking her head, her eyes briefly finding Daichi’s. Daichi hung his head in shame._

_Mrs. Sugawara directed Daichi to go home but he didn’t. Back in the empty lot he lay down under the tree, and imagined it had been him and not Suga to fall from the tree. It’d been his idea to go up so high. Suga never would have if he hadn’t first._

_“Yo Daichi,” the sound of a boy’s voice, “Wanna go play volleyball, we need one more?” Daichi pushed himself up on his elbows._

_“No, Iwaizumi, I need to go home,” he lied._

_“You seen Suga?”_

_“No.”_

_Iwaizumi shrugged trotting off. Daichi watched him go and then laid back down._

_“Daichi?” the next voice roused Daichi from an uneasy dream. He sat up to find Suga crouching next to him, it was nearly evening. Suga had a big white cast on his arm, looking better than he had earlier._

_“Your mom is looking for you. Takeo thinks you’re dead,” Suga informed him with a grin._

_“Does it still hurt?” Daichi asked eyes on the cast._

_“Nah, it’s okay,” Suga told him. “I told my mom it was my idea to go up so high, but I don’t think she believes me.”_

_“You’re not that stupid.”_

_“You’re right,” Suga agreed with smirk. “She called your mom. Just fair warning.”_

_“I can’t go home,” Daichi said._

_“You gotta. I told her I’d find you, and I found you,” Suga said._

_“You don’t have to. Just go back and tell her I wasn’t here.”_

_“Takeo was crying,” Suga said not moving. Daichi groaned slowly getting to his feet._

_“Fine, fine.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thanks for joining me on this journey. I'm going to post this whole thing over the course of the week. I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think <3


	2. Old Threads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things that are different and things that stay the same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: some heaviness
> 
> someday I'll write a story where they don't have sad families but that's not this story

_“Dai-kun, what are you still doing up?”_

_Daichi’s heart jumped, startled. Suga’s mom had caught him the kitchen filling up a glass of water. When he’d crept downstairs she’d still been asleep in her recliner, the newspaper open in her lap. Now in her robe in the kitchen she was yawning, ash blonde hair like Suga’s loose on her shoulders._

_“Can’t sleep,” he croaked, hands still shaking a little, the dream still fresh in his head, heart beating too quick in his chest._

_“Bad dream again?” she’d asked gently, she looked tired but her voice said she wanted to listen. Daichi could only nod. “Want to tell me about it?”_

_They’d sat on the couch as he told her, she had an arm around his shoulder nodding seriously. In a bit Suga appeared shuffling in his bare feet, rubbing his eyes._

_“Dai, where’d you go?” he mumbled and joined them on the couch on Daichi’s other side. They sat like that until Suga was a heavy snoring weight on Daichi’s shoulder and Daichi could barely keep his own eyes open._

_Then Suga’s mom herded them upstairs and back to bed, carrying Suga and holding Daichi’s hand._

“Oh hey, fancy meeting you here.”

Daichi looked up from trying to pick out tomatoes in the produce section of the grocery store to find Suga, basket full of groceries, a watermelon under his arm.

“Hey Suga.”

“Picking some good ones?”

“Only the best,” Daichi said selecting two at random. “You getting one of everything?” he asked nodding to Suga’s basket which was overflowing, items balanced on top precariously.

“New apartment, I need to get my staples,” Suga told him grinning. The box of pasta on top slid dangerously toward the edge and Daichi caught it.

“Need some help?”

“Please.”

“Are there vegetables in there? You eat vegetables now?” Daichi laughed getting a look at the peppers squashed under a bag of rice.

“Sometimes. Special occasions mainly,” Suga grinned back at him.

They checked out one after the other, Daichi had one bag and Suga had eight plus the watermelon still under his arm.

“Want some watermelon, when we get back? I don’t think I could eat the whole thing myself.”

“Are you sure about that?” Daichi asked laughing. “I remember when we were eight, I’m pretty sure you ate a whole watermelon in one sitting.”

“And then I was sick for two days, I’m grown up now Daichi, I have to practice restraint,” Suga said back grinning. “Here I am just trying to be a good neighbor and all you do is make fun of me.”

“Who’re you calling a bad neighbor? I’d lend you a cup of sugar.”

“Remember when Takeo ate a whole cup of sugar?”

“That wasn’t Takeo, that was you,” Daichi argued.

“Was that me? No I’m pretty sure it was Takeo. Your mom started hiding the sugar.”

“I’m pretty sure that was you. How about the time we tried to make dinner for your mom? She banned us from the kitchen. We ruined that nice pan she had. She called my mom and my life flashed before my eyes,” Daichi said laughing. Suga’s smile had faded, soft and sad. “How is your mom? Is she still back in Sendai?” Daichi asked as they walked back toward the apartment building.

“Daichi,” Suga’s voice was uneasy in the dark, he’d come to a stop and Daichi halted beside him. “Daichi, um, she passed away when I was in second year of high school,” the tone of his voice was measured

“Oh, I d-didn’t know,” Daichi stomach had dropped, for a second he felt sick with it. “Suga, I’m sorry.” In the dim light of the street lights Daichi couldn’t make out the details of Suga’s face, eyebrows pulled low.

“It’s okay,” Suga said looking down at their feet. “It was a heart attack, while I was at school.”

“Suga, I….” Daichi didn’t know what to say, didn’t have the words to span that gap between them now. He’d been starting to feel again like he’d known Suga better than anyone and now it was painfully clear that there were things he did not know, things he could probably never know.

“It’s okay,” Suga repeated, “It’s been a while. I’m not going to cry. No need to walk on egg shells about it.”

“Your dad come back?”

“My dad,” Suga huffed a forced laugh at that.

“What did you do?”

“My aunt is here in Tokyo. So I lived with her for the rest of high school and then afterward I stayed with Yaku and his parents. My aunt didn’t want me to leave and we don’t exactly see eye to eye, but I can be persuasive when I want to be,” he said walking again, still refusing to meet Daichi’s eyes. Daichi started too but now he was just a step behind that he couldn’t make up no matter how large of a stride he tried to take.

“So you’ve been in Tokyo?” he finally sputtered, “For that long?”

_And I never knew?_

Suga shrugged, the look on his face pinched.

“How’re your parents?” Suga asked then, tone shifting but Daichi could hear the cheer was forced this time. At one time that question would’ve been a gut punch, but the bruise had faded, he could touch it without pain anymore.

“Split,” Daichi said, “Mom’s here in town. Dad’s always on business, I think he’s got a house someplace back in Miyagi though. Calls on my birthday. Always says we need to go to one of those pro club volleyball games together but never follows up. So same shit as before but long distance.”

“Oof,” Suga answered, “So essentially your worst nightmare.”

“Maybe initially,” Daichi said running a hand through his hair, remembering memories he’d tried to lock away, of nights when Suga’s mother had worked the night shift. He and Suga lying on his bedroom floor listening to the shouting. That pinched silence between them, the times he’d reached to find Suga’s hand waiting for his, clammy in the dark, fingers gripping his tightly. Takeo waking and they’d wrap him between them. One time, Suga had opened the window and they’d all climbed out onto the roof, shutting the window behind them and drinking in the night sounds of the neighborhood, crickets and a distant owl. Huddled until Takeo fell asleep, until Suga stuck his head back inside to confirm it was all quiet again.

“But I think separate was probably better in hindsight. For all of us.”

Suga nodded eyes still on the ground. Daichi wondered if he was thinking of those nights too. They had never talked about it in so many words. It wasn’t something that needed to be talked about.

“Guess happily ever after is harder than it seems.”

“That’s why we moved to Tokyo,” Daichi found the words were still there, things he didn’t feel like he could say to anyone, not even Takeo, it felt alright to tell Suga. “I think, they thought starting over would make everything okay again. When really it just made things worse.”

“Worse?” Suga’s voice was thin, his eyes lifting to Daichi, worry in the lines of his face.

“Yeah, just…” Daichi tried to frame it, he knew what Suga was thinking, the things they’d been afraid of there in the dark, “Just worse. Nothing physical, I mean,” he tried again, “Just louder, we moved from a house in Sendai to a tiny apartment in Tokyo, there wasn’t anywhere to go we were all living on top of each other. That didn’t help.”

“Oh,” said Suga, “When you wrote those letters?”

“I did love Tokyo, but I might have exaggerated, just a little,” Daichi said with a small smile. Suga’s lips lifted a little in response.

“It wasn’t super super super super awesome?”

“Sometimes,” Daichi said grinning, “Mostly I just wished you were here with me.”

“Pathetic,” laughed Suga mirthlessly, they’d almost reached the building. They could see Asahi out on his balcony watering the window boxes he had there, big leafy plants spilling over their edges, creeping tendrils wound around the wrought iron rails. He looked up as they approached raising a hand in greeting.

“Evening, Daichi!” he called leaning forward a little, “And I can’t see you, is that Sugawara?”

“Yep!” called Suga back.

“I knew you two would be friends,” he called back, “It was only a matter of time.” Suga giggled a little beside Daichi.

“Should we tell him?” he asked.

“Nah,” Daichi said, “No reason to spoil his fun.”

“Look who it is, I can’t believe you’re actually here, Suga-san,” said Takeo, they’d met Takeo on the curb outside the apartment. Daichi had invited Suga out to lunch. Takeo was standing outside of his car. He’d outstripped Daichi, tall and lean, glasses that gave him a sharp polished look. He might be the biggest nerd that Daichi knew but he made a picture of a sophisticated man, someone who had his life together. Suga crossed his arms beaming at Takeo.

“If it isn’t Mister Bigshot himself, Daichi told me you were a CEO but I didn’t believe it. You’ve grown up a little bit,” Suga said, catching an arm around Takeo’s neck pulling him down to mess up his hair.

“Same old Suga-san,” Takeo laughed catching his glasses before they could fall off his face. “You’re just like I remember.”

“What do you even remember, you were only seven when you moved away, right? Seven? That makes you what, 19 now? You’re a millionaire and you’re 19??” Suga’s eyes got bigger as he worked it out in his head.

“I’m actually twenty,” Takeo corrected him, “And I’m not a millionaire. Dai, why’d you tell him that?”

“I didn’t tell him that,” Daichi said shaking his head helplessly.

“I looked you up, you’re definitely a millionaire,” Suga retorted. “But still at seven, I should’ve just been a figment of your imagination.”

“Sometimes it feels like you were,” Takeo admitted, “A big, noisy, messy figment.”

“He’s kind of a brat isn’t he?” Suga stage whispered to Daichi. Daichi laughed and Takeo blushed again. “So where are you taking us out to lunch, Bigshot?”

“Oh, uh,” Takeo looked nervously to Daichi, “We were uh, taking Mom out to lunch for her birthday, so wherever she wants to go.”

“Oh,” Suga’s face went blank, “I guess I misunderstood, I…”

“You’re definitely coming with us,” Daichi stopped him, “Mom would get a kick out of it. She’d love to see you.”

“I don’t think I should,” Suga insisted.

“I think she’s probably forgiven you for breaking that teapot. It’s okay,” Daichi said trying to lighten whatever mood had hit Suga. Suga cringed.

“I’d forgotten about that, I was a really bad kid. I shouldn’t go.”

“You weren’t a bad kid. Mom always thought you were an angel,” Daichi reminded him.

“That’s because you always took the fall for all my shit,” Suga answered. “If she really knew me…”

“She wouldn’t care. Kids break stuff, that’s the way it is. You’re coming with us. It’ll be a good surprise,” Daichi insisted reaching for Suga’s arm before he could retreat like it was very clear on his face that he wanted to.

“Koushi-chan!” cooed Mrs. Sawamura when they met her at the door, she reached out to immediately throw her arms around Suga who laughed uneasily. “You’re all grown up,” she said in wonder when she let him go, inspecting his face. “Finally got that cast off, I see,” she added smiling at his arm. “I’m still surprised you survived childhood with Daichi.” Suga laughed again this time something easing in his shoulders.

“He was a monster wasn’t he,” he said thumping Daichi on the back. Daichi elbowed him back.

“It wasn’t a walk in the park for me either,” he argued.

“At least Koushi-chan didn’t break any of your bones,” Mrs. Sawamura chided him. “It was always the same with you two and Koushi was always the one who ended up hurt.”

“What about me?” protested Takeo.

“You didn’t get any bones broken either,” Mrs. Sawamura said fondly to Takeo. She patted Suga’s cheeks and he blushed. “You’ve grown up nice and handsome, unlike my boys. You have a girlfriend? Maybe a wife by now?”

“Uh, no,” Suga answered still red, he threw Daichi a glance, a familiar look that Daichi recognized immediately as a plea for help.

“Come on, lay off Suga, for a bit, Mom,” Daichi cut in. “Where did you want to go to lunch? Our treat.”

“Remember when you broke your arm?” Daichi asked later that afternoon. Suga was lying on the floor next to the couch. He had a textbook open like he was studying but he was definitely not studying, gazing off into space. Daichi was only halfway done with grades. He couldn’t focus with Suga so close, ashy hair disheveled, looking too handsome.

“I think your mother would’ve killed you if I hadn’t stopped her,” Suga said grinning at Daichi, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

“She still almost did anyway,” Daichi said.

“It was your fault though.”

“Definitely. If she had killed me it was because I deserved it,” Daichi agreed. Suga giggled. “When you fell out of that tree though, I thought you were dead for a whole five minutes,” Daichi admitted, as Suga gazed up at him. “Right up until you sat up.”

“It could’ve been a double murder, you killed me and then your mom killed you.”

“I apologized to your mom so many times,” Daichi said, Suga’s smile twisted. “She kept telling me it was just an arm, I didn’t break you.” Suga nodded, rolling over onto his side and sitting up, absent mindedly smoothing his hair. “Suga, I’m sorry.”

“Its fine,” Suga said, “Its fine to talk about her.”

“You’d rather I didn’t though?”

“It’s fine,” Suga said again in a non-convincing act of being fine. “You want something to drink?” Daichi checked his watch.

“Too early to start drinking.”

“Ha ha,” Suga said back disappearing past the couch toward the kitchen.

_“Suga we’re moving, Dad got a job in Tokyo,” Daichi spat it all out in one go, they were in the vacant lot. It’d been on his mind all day, twice the teachers had called him out for not paying attention. Suga had called him a space cadet at lunch. They’d started working on their homework but Suga was currently trying to catch a big yellow butterfly that kept evading his grasp. He turned his head to Daichi._

_“What?” his voice was a croak, eyes big._

_“Dad got a job in Tokyo, we’re moving the end of the month,” Daichi said again, feeling like his heart was being constricted, dread pooled in the pit of his stomach. All he knew was their hometown, and as much as they scoffed at it for being small and backwater, the idea of up and moving was frightening. Having to make all new friends, find new places to hang out, not seeing Suga again._

_“That’s cool,” Suga answered him instead his voice pitched up in forced enthusiasm. “They’ve got more record shops there, more everything there. I’m jealous,” he continued, leaving the butterfly to hesitantly return to their books spread open on the grass. He was giving Daichi some sort of look that Daichi wasn’t sure how to interpret. Suga’s replacement second cast was dirty by this point, the clean white now tinged a dirty brownish grey. Suga falling out of the tree seemed like a lifetime ago now. School had only just started, he’d be getting it off in another week or two. Suga flopped down in the grass next to Daichi, his legs still covered in bug bites, summery freckles washed softly over his face._

_“Suga,” Daichi tried again, but he didn’t have the words to explain the way he felt. Suga was still waiting expectantly. “I’m going to miss you.”_

_“We’ve still got a month though, right?” Suga asked, “And it’s not like we’ll never see each other again. Maybe I can get Mom to let me go to Tokyo to visit? We can write letters.”_

_Daichi laughed at that._

_“You would write letters?”_

_“I would, definitely, for sure,” Suga said nodding seriously his eyes sparkling. “We can still go to college in Tokyo together too.”_

“Suga when you told my mom you didn’t have a girlfriend, you weren’t just trying to get her off your back were you?”

Suga was on his break, Daichi had brought him dinner. They were eating it on the pavement in the alleyway back behind the coffee shop. 

“No I was serious,” Suga said over a bite of sandwich giving Daichi a funny look. “What is it?” he asked and then put it back together, “Oh, that? We talked about that, didn’t we?” his face was going red.

“Before I moved.”

“Sure thought I knew so much when I was thirteen, huh?”

“You wrote me about that one guy, too. I forget his name,” Daichi said trying to tease, the old jealousy reanimating. He’d crumpled that letter when he’d read it. It’d made him so mad then, and it had taken him a long time to figure out why.

“I don’t remember his name either,” Suga laughed helplessly burying his face against his knees, “He had freckles and really pretty brown eyes. I was so stupid. What even was his name?”

 _Ikejiri_ , Daichi almost said, with a painful pinch of his heart.

“I don’t remember, you were the one in love with him,” Daichi said instead. Suga looked up at Daichi still grinning.

“Oh to be young and in love,” he said looking into Daichi’s eyes. Daichi felt heat scorch him across his face and chest. It was dangerous looking into Suga’s eyes, like staring into the sun. “No, I haven’t dated anyone in a while, and that’s fine, makes everything complicated.” Daichi’s heart dropped a little. “How about you, Daichi? Tell me about your love life,” Suga said, eyes crinkling.

“Oh, uh, nothing to tell,” Daichi answered him.

“That sounds like a big lie to me,” Suga said, “Come on. Who’ve you got your eye on? Another teacher at the school? A barista at the coffee shop?” his eyes sparkling, Daichi’s stomach did a flip, his face getting hotter, “Ennoshita-san maybe?”

“N-no,” Daichi stammered.

“It is, isn’t it?” Suga said, the mirth on his lips not reaching his eyes.

“No. Ennoshita’s not even gay.”

“Oh?” said Suga, “So you’ve done research?”

“No, dumbass,” Daichi said.

“So not Ennoshita?”

“Not Ennoshita.”

“But somebody?” Suga asked.

“Isn’t your break almost over?”

“You’re trying to change the subject.”

“So what? It doesn’t matter who I like,” Daichi said.

“Sure it does. I’m your best friend, you can tell me,” Suga said without hesitation, and then it seemed to occur to him what he’d just said, eyebrows knitting together. _Best friend_. Daichi’s head swam for a minute, did Suga mean it like he thought Daichi had no other friends or did he mean it like Daichi was his best friend? Were they best friends still? What did he really know about present day Suga who only gave him half answers about anything, but acted like he knew Daichi’s whole heart?

“Maybe another time,” Daichi said getting to his feet, Suga’s expression had turned sad and Daichi hoped he wasn’t about to take back what he’d said.

“Daichi, I…” he started and stopped, “I’ll hold you to that,” he said, staggering to his feet. “I’ll see you later,” he said tossing the trash into the bin. Daichi waved as Suga slipped back in through the ‘employees only’ door.

“Why am I so stupid?” he asked himself kicking his feet as he headed up the alley. A stray cat dashed past him, and he nearly tripped over his feet in alarm. He looked back to the door, feeling certain for a moment that someone was watching him, but there was nobody there, Suga disappeared back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: will Suga get the answer to his question?


	3. Party Foul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going rogue off my schedule, here's the third chapter

_The summer Suga had turned thirteen and before he’d broken his arm (two events that had happened nearly back to back) Suga had made the neighborhood swim team. He’d beat out other kids bigger and older than him. Much to some of their anger. They’d gotten the last laugh though once the cast was on and Suga was banned from the water. If Daichi hadn’t felt bad enough about Suga being in a cast, that made it a thousand times worse._

_“I don’t care, its fine, Daichi,” Suga had said as they traipsed through the woods behind Daichi’s house. They were wearing their backpacks, prepared with lunch and their walkie-talkies. Takeo had wanted to come with them but they had banished him to stay home._

_“But still it sucks,” Daichi argued._

_“I’d rather play volleyball anyway.”_

_“You can’t do that with a cast either.”_

_“I can still set though,” Suga had insisted. “Just no receiving for a while.” Daichi shook his head._

_“Your mom said…”_

_“Your mom said,” Suga parroted back elbowing Daichi with a grin._

_“Watch it,” Daichi smirked back aiming an elbow at him. Suga dodged running on ahead with a holler of laughter. Daichi ran after him until they both slowed, out of breath._

_Every summer before that he and Daichi had spent what sometimes felt like, in retrospect, their entire summer at the pool, eating bento in the shade of the bathroom buildings, running barefoot in the grass playing tag with other boys from the neighborhood, cannonballs into the deep end, lying on their towels playing card games even though Daichi’s deck was missing more than a few cards. Finally riding their bikes home, collapsing in the air conditioning of Suga’s house. Popsicles out of the freezer. Talking about anything and everything._

_This summer felt different. Going to the pool without Suga wasn’t any fun, so instead they prowled the neighborhood, haunting the alleyways and the woods. Sometimes they went to the convenience store and roamed the aisles until the clerk working threatened to kick them out. When they returned home later, Daichi’s mom was pacing in the front lawn. She’d come home from work early._

_“There you are!” she called to Daichi, “Is Takeo with you?”_

_“No we told him to stay home,” Daichi called back, with a spike of irritation. It was always Takeo with her, sometimes it felt like he was an afterthought. His mom pressed a hand to her mouth, eyes swimming with tears. Daichi felt a lurch of fear. “Is he not here?”_

_Without answering she went inside and picked up the phone. Daichi caught Suga looking at him._

_“Do you think he followed us into the woods?” Suga asked shifting his backpack and looking back towards the trees._

_“We told him not to.”_

_“I can run back and look,” Suga said eyebrows pulled down in concern._

_“I’ll come too.”_

_“No, stay here, your mom will panic if you’re gone when she comes back, turn on your walkie and I’ll call you if I find him, or you can call me if he shows up,” Suga said sternly. Daichi could only nod, digging it out of his backpack. Suga trotted off back down the trail._

_When his mom came back outside her eyes were red._

_“Daichi, you shouldn’t have left him alone,” she told him in a wobbly voice, “He’s just a little kid, you’re supposed to take care of him.”_

_“He’s not that little. Suga thinks maybe he followed us into the woods, he’ll find him,” Daichi said wanting to believe it. If anyone could find Takeo it would be Suga._

_“I don’t want you running off anymore, you hear me? All you ever do is get into trouble. Be more conscious of the trouble you’re causing other people, Daichi.”_

_Daichi felt himself shrink a little._

_“What if someone kidnapped your brother, did you ever think about that? Or what if he ran off into the woods and got hurt? What if he drowned in that creek?”_

_He wanted to tell her that it shouldn’t be his job to watch Takeo. Daichi was silent, letting her continue, with a barrage of terrible things that could and maybe had happened to Takeo. It felt like an eternity and then there were two police officers at their house asking questions, what had Takeo been wearing and where did Daichi last see him. Daichi started to worry maybe his mom was right. The two officers walked around the house, and Daichi sat on the front step, still clutching the radio. He wanted to call Suga and ask him if he’d seen anything. The next arrival was Daichi’s father who was not happy. And if his mom had had words for him, his dad had a tirade. Daichi buried his face against his knees. Wishing he’d gone back into the woods with Suga. Neighbors came over, Mr. Iwaizumi from down the street, the old lady next door, Daichi’s mom asking all of them if they’d seen Takeo. Her face was red. The sun crept lower in the sky, the policemen had ventured a little ways into the woods and returned without anything._

_“Daichi, do you copy?” the walkie talkie finally crackled to life in Daichi’s hands. Hands trembling he lifted it to his mouth._

_“Suga is that you?”_

_“I’m at the big field behind the school, I didn’t see him, I’m coming back,” Suga said, voice muffled, heavy with static from the distance that separated them._

_“You didn’t see him?” Daichi asked._

_“No, I’ll go back on the other path though. He hasn’t come home yet?”_

_“No.”_

_“Okay. Over an out,” Suga answered and was gone._

Daichi had lots of bad dreams. He’d had periods as a kid where he’d wake every night from them like clockwork and he’d lay in bed repeating to himself that it was just a dream. Any dreamless night was a blessing. There was a period during high school when he’d been so worn out between volleyball practice and schoolwork where he’d slept every night without waking. Since Suga had moved in next door the dreams had started again. The recurring one was that he was lost in the woods behind the house where they’d lived in Sendai. And he kept recognizing landmarks but the path never took him home. The sun was going down and it got darker and darker. He was calling for help, calling for Suga, but nobody came, until it was too dark to see.

He woke with a start in the dark bedroom, sweaty and heart pounding, lying back down and trying to slow his heart. Tonight it kept pounding and finally he got up to get a drink of water. Outside the sliding glass door of the balcony he could see the full moon. He opened the door to stand outside in the cool night air, taking in a deep breath. What he got was a mouthful of cigarette smoke. He turned to look to Suga’s balcony, but it was empty. Across the way he could see Ukai who lived down the hall smoking.

“Sorry,” he called.

“Don’t mind,” Daichi called back.

_Dusk had settled over the group when at last Daichi saw the wavering beam of a flashlight, tracing a path up from the woods. Suga was trudging slowly, backpack on his chest, carrying Takeo on his back. The little boy was fast asleep drooling on Suga’s shoulder._

_“Takeo!” cried Daichi’s mom, and then they were all hurrying to where Suga had emerged from the forest. Daichi’s mom swept the two into her arms, first kissing Takeo’s face, who groggily frowned and batted her off and then kissing Suga’s cheek, who only looked deeply embarrassed. It was further proof that he was actually Daichi’s mom’s favorite son._

_“You’re grounded for two weeks,” Daichi’s father informed him as he brushed by on his way back into the house. Daichi finally staggered to his feet when Suga made it to the porch, Takeo removed from his shoulders by Daichi’s mom._

_“I tried calling, but I think my battery’s dead,” Suga apologized._

_“You found him,” Daichi could only croak, his shoulders still tight with tension._

_“He was sitting right on the trail waiting for me,” Suga answered. “He’d heard me calling for him the whole time and he was absolutely silent, the little brat.”_

_“He didn’t even know he was lost?”_

_“If he did, he didn’t seem afraid. Said he knew I’d come back for him,” Suga laughed carelessly, the flashlight sputtered in his hand and then went out. He sighed heavily in the dark and two sat down side by side on the step._

_“Think my mom’s home yet?”_

_“Probably not.”_

_“Think your parents are grateful enough they’ll feed me dinner?”_

_“They’d definitely swap you for me,” Daichi told him, “Dad said I’m grounded for two weeks.”_

_“You didn’t do anything??”_

_Daichi barked a laugh at that._

_“Not according to them.”_

Daichi and Suga sat shoulder to shoulder at the laundromat, their clothes turning synchronized circles together. Tanaka had been complaining that Daichi never spent time with him anymore, but Daichi wasn’t sure where all that time went, time that previously he would’ve spent hanging around volleyball practice or going out to the bar. Actually he did know where it went, it was in these long quiet moments with Sugawara, grocery shopping, joking over take out, here in the laundromat waiting for the hot water to purge the scent of coffee from Suga’s jeans, the sweat from Daichi’s dress shirts.

Suga had a book open but Daichi was pretty sure he was not reading, he had not turned a page in a long time, his eyes lost somewhere in the middle distance. His load of laundry finished first but he did not move.

“Earth to Suga,” Daichi said when it was clear he was really zoned out.

“Huh?” Suga blinked sleepily turning to Daichi.

“Your darks are done.”

“Oh, sorry. I was…”

“…in total zombie mode,” Daichi filled in for him. Suga smiled.

“Yeah, that. I’m just tired, working all those close shifts back to back on top of night class is really getting to me.”

“I thought you were a night owl.”

“I am, but getting off work late just means I’m up later afterwards. We can’t all be like you and just pass out when we’re ready to sleep.”

“Why does it sound like such a bad thing when you say it like that?”

Suga laughed a little, getting up and stretching.

“You’ve always been like that. You’re just dead to the world and I can’t get my head to shut off,” Suga said opening the washer and tossing the wet clothes into his basket to haul to the dryer. Daichi’s laundry finished. He tried to remember sleep overs when they were small, if he’d always fallen asleep fast. It irked him a little that Suga seemed to know something he hadn’t realized about himself.

“Not always,” Daichi argued and Suga gave him a look, he had a teasing gleam in his eyes and Daichi felt heat warm his face. “When we were kids there’s times when you fell asleep first, and I bet you still snore.” Suga’s face flushed.

“I don’t snore.”

“You used to.”

“I never fell asleep first.”

“What about the time we were going to stay up to see the blood moon. You definitely fell asleep.”

“Yeah, but so did you,” Suga said.

“No, I stayed up, I saw it. I just didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d be mad.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?!”

“I tried. You kept telling me to shut up and go to sleep.”

“You bastard, you lied to me all this time,” Suga’s eyes were shining, he was half-way grinning.

“I was trying to protect you from yourself.”

Suga laughed shutting the door to the dryer, Daichi grinning back at him. The warm feeling between them comfortable. _If I say anything I’ll ruin it. It’ll be awkward. What if he doesn’t feel the same?_ But it wasn’t like Suga didn’t want to hang out. And the teasing, the casual physical contact, it wasn’t like all of Daichi’s friends were like that, the way it felt between the two of them was different. He tossed his clothes into the dryer watching Suga return to their seats stretching his back, the late afternoon sun casting gold light on him, his messy hair glowing. Daichi’s heart beat harder. Suga turned back to look at him, something soft and gentle on his face, until he saw Daichi looking back at him. He winked.

“Checking out my ass, Daichi?”

“Fuck off,” Daichi said slamming the dryer door shut, turning away to hide the smile on his face.

The sun was crouching low overhead when they walked the block back to their apartment.

“You’re going to tell me now, right?” Suga asked as Daichi fumbled with the keypad trying to balance his laundry bag on his hip.

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me who you’ve got your eye on. The big crush. If it’s not Ennoshita, is it the super? I saw you on his balcony last night. It’s like a miniature jungle. He knows your name.”

“Asahi knows everyone’s name,” Daichi answered.

“So that’s a yes?”

“That’s a no, he’s our age, and we hang out sometimes. Our high school volleyball teams used to play a lot of practice matches against each other. We’re talking about putting together a neighborhood team.”

“Can I get in on that?”

“Sure, we could use a setter,” Daichi said.

“So if it’s not him, who is it?”

“I’m not telling.”

“So there is someone, you admit to their existence?”

“I’m not telling.”

“So yes,” Suga’s smile was getting bigger, Daichi finally typed in the code right and Suga opened the door for him.

“Should I keep guessing?”

“Definitely not.”

“How’s he keep these things alive? I’d kill a cactus.”

“You water a cactus like once every six months.”

“I’d find a way to fuck it up,” Suga said leaning on the railing looking down into the cup in his hand swirling the liquid. Inside the apartment behind them was the pulsing sound of neighbors, friends, people Daichi recognized but did not know. Asahi had talked him into coming to this party, and in turn he’d persuaded Suga to join him. Now they were here, all he wanted to do was leave. Daichi breathed in the scent of whatever flower this was growing beside him, the sunset casting the city around them in pinks and purples.

“You wanna leave?”

“No, you dragged me here, we’re going to stay for an hour at least. As punishment,” Suga said with a grin, taking a swallow of whatever liquor he had acquired in his cup. Daichi sipped his beer and hoped they could stay out here without anyone joining them. That’d be a good way to spend an hour.

“Okay, you’re going to tell me now,” Suga decided putting the cup down and crossing his arms, fixing an eager smile on Daichi. _If I tell him, I’ll fuck all of this up_.

“No I’m not,” Daichi told him taking another swallow of beer for good measure.

“We’re going to stay all night then, all the way to the bitter end, Asahi will have to kick us out,” Suga said the devilish look in his eyes.

“You think I won’t leave without you?”

“I know for a fact you won’t.”

“Awfully confident about that.”

“You forget, I know you best.”

“Think so?”

Asahi stuck his head out.

“Pizza’s here if you want,” he said smiling from Daichi to Suga, with a look that convinced Daichi that he _knew_.

“You escape for now,” Suga said grinning at Daichi and ducking back inside.

“Sorry to ruin the mood,” Asahi said from behind Daichi’s shoulder as he went back inside to the noise and the people.

“No mood to ruin,” Daichi said.

“Come on, Daichi,” Asahi said with a gentle knowing smile.

“Stop it, stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what, Daichi?”

“And the way you keep saying my name, just quit it,” Daichi growled.

“So defensive.”

“Shut. Up.”

“Hey! Daichi! My dude!” Nishinoya materialized out of the crowd pulling Daichi into a bro hug. “I didn’t know you knew Asahi-san.”

“Well this is my apartment building. And Asahi is the super,” Daichi said.

“Still!” Noya threw his arms around Daichi and Asahi’s shoulders hauling the two taller men down. “We’ve got to all hang out sometime! I should’ve invited Ryu to this party. Asahi-san why didn’t you tell me you knew Daichi?”

“I didn’t know you knew Daichi? Wait, did you two go to the same high school? All those practice games blur together.”

“Duh,” said Noya.

“I’m so stupid.”

“Not stupid, I should’ve asked if you knew Daichi, I mean, I knew he lived in this building,” Noya said smiling cheesily at Asahi. Daichi wondered what he was witnessing in this moment.

“I don’t want to ruin _this mood_ ,” Daichi hissed at Asahi moving away towards the pizza.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Huh? Daichi?” Asahi called after him.

Suga had three slices stacked on a plate, in the process of stealing a handful of parmesan packets.

“It’s a free for all over there,” he told Daichi as he passed.

“Are you sure it’s not Asahi, you’ve got chemistry with him,” Suga said sitting on the balcony, he’d just refilled his drink again. The moon had lifted off from the horizon. They’d been at the party for much longer than an hour by now, but to his horror Daichi found he couldn’t leave by himself. Suga had been right. He wasn’t sure anymore how many beers deep he was, head swimming a little.

“Not Asahi.”

“Give me a hint.”

“I’m not giving you a hint.”

“Is he here at this party?” Suga continued to press, his face was flushed. Daichi didn’t know how many drinks he'd had either.

“Maybe.”

“A hint!” Suga’s eyes brightened and Daichi felt momentarily gratified for having given in.

“Is it that guy with the blonde streak who’s been hanging around Asahi all night? I think you’re maybe barking up the wrong tree, Daichi.”

“Not Noya either.”

“What about that older guy with the bleached hair? He’s kinda sexy.”

“Nope.”

“One of the twins?”

“No way.”

“Remember that girl you had a crush on in grade school?” Suga asked, Daichi immediately felt suspicious at his subject change. He knew exactly who Suga was talking about though. “Michimiya, wasn’t it?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“You told me about her without me having to harass you. Are you embarrassed of who it is, Daichi?”

“No.”

“Then why won’t you tell me?”

_Because it’s you, dumbass._

Daichi shrugged instead. Suga frowned.

“I’ll tell you mine, if you tell me yours,” he offered. Daichi’s stomach turned, the thought he’d been trying to avoid, that Suga probably had his eye on someone else. This wasn’t an even exchange.

“You won’t want to,” Daichi said.

“Why not? Do you think we’re in love with the same guy?”

“Unlikely.”

Suga laughed at that.

“Daichi, please, you’re killing me with the suspense. Can you see him from here? Look at him and then you won’t have to say it.”

“Okay,” Daichi found himself agreeing, maybe he was drunker than he thought.

“On the count of three. One, two,” Suga had a look on his face that made Daichi feel like he was about to be in deep trouble, “Three,” Suga said. Daichi kept his eyes on Suga. Suga glanced behind himself but they were facing each other on the balcony and there was nothing but space behind him. “Daichi?” he asked, voice confused.

“You said to look at him.”

“Daichi, don’t fuck with me.”

“I’m not.”

“Shit,” Suga got shakily to his feet, steadying himself against the railing, he knocked one of Asahi’s small potted plants and watched dismally as it toppled off the rail and cracked open like an egg on the sidewalk below.

“Suga?”

“Daichi, I’m drunk, I’ve gotta leave,” Suga said then pushing his way inside as Daichi got to his feet. Inside the crowd had thinned but Suga was nowhere to be seen as if he had evaporated. Daichi’s heart was drumming, he could hear it in his ears. He’d fucked up.

“Daichi, can I get you another beer?” Asahi asked intercepting him.

“Did you see where Suga went?”

“Sugawara? I don’t know.”

Daichi took the stairs up to his floor two at a time. He went to Suga’s door fully intent on knocking until Suga would hear him out. But once he was standing in front of it, he felt paralyzed instead. Suga hadn’t misunderstood him. This could only be a rejection, and explaining himself wouldn’t fix any of it. The realization hit him and he caught himself against the door jam.

“Takeo I fucked up,” he said later, sitting on his own balcony in his underwear. He still felt a little drunk.

“Daichi are you okay?” Takeo sounded worried over the phone. Daichi’s voice wobbled when he responded back.

“No, not even a little bit.”

“I’m coming over. Are you at your apartment?”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, I do. Stay right there, I’ll be over in a bit.”


	4. Interlude

Suga felt all the air leave his lungs with what Daichi had just told him, staggering to his feet aware how drunk he was, hit with the sudden need to puke. He felt dumb for pushing Daichi on it. What had he expected him to say? Some other guy living in this apartment complex? How would Suga have felt any different to hear that? Instead of scared shitless it would have been jealousy. He fumbled past the people inside, finding Asahi’s bathroom and locking himself inside. He threw up twice, leaning against the toilet waiting for Daichi to come after him. Daichi would definitely come after him, he was convinced. He leaned his aching head against his arms on the toilet seat and shut his eyes. He didn’t know how much time elapsed and finally there was banging on the door.

“Daichi, go away,” Suga called hoarsely.

“Hey, is that Sugawara?” Asahi’s voice sounded through the door. Suga’s stomach dropped and he felt like he was going to throw up again. “Are you okay in there? Everyone’s gone home.”

Suga fumbled for his phone it was just after 3am. Head still pounding he got to his feet to unlock the door. A very tired looking Asahi was waiting on the other side of the door.

“You alright?” he asked.

“Fine,” mumbled Suga, “Fell asleep. Where’s Daichi?”

“He left hours ago,” said Asahi. Suga’s stomach lurched again. He’d fucked up. Daichi probably hated him now. Suga caught himself against the wall as the world tipped.

“Can you get upstairs okay?” Asahi asked, with every passing moment he looked more uncomfortable and concerned.

“’m fine,” Suga insisted going toward the door. Out in the hall he felt everything falling apart again. He remembered Asahi’s plant shattered on the sidewalk below. Getting upstairs proved to be almost the limit of his energy, queasy again by the time he reached his door, fumbling with his keys. 

Daichi’s door opened and Suga’s heart jumped into his throat, he didn’t believe in fate but if Daichi had known… Except the man leaving through the door wasn’t Daichi, for a second Suga’s head spun until he recognized Takeo, tall, lanky, sliding his hands into his pockets. He shut the door behind him, locking it with a key. Where was Daichi? Then he turned to head for the stairs, freezing when he saw Suga propped up against the wall staring at him. Takeo’s face was hard and for a minute it was clear he was trying decide whether to say anything or leave without a word.

“Look, Sugawara,” he finally said voice in a low quiet tone that made Suga’s blood run cold. He took a couple of steps towards Suga. “Don’t fuck with Daichi. Leave him the hell alone if all you’re going to do is hurt him.”

“I’m sorry,” was all Suga could choke out, tears swimming in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Get your shit together.”

“Takeo,” Suga started.

“I don’t want to hear it. No excuses, get your shit together or leave him alone.”

Takeo turned on his heel and left, Suga’s hands shaking as he tried to unlock the door. Inside in the dark he collapsed onto his futon, pulling the comforter over his head.

But Suga couldn’t sleep. Because he knew Takeo was right. Maybe what Daichi had told him was what he’d wanted to hear, but the way he saw it now, all he was capable of was hurting Daichi. He kept playing out the scene on the balcony where they should’ve kissed, held hands, close and comfortable instead of Suga’s overreaction, panic. The plant falling off the railing, smashing on the ground. Suga couldn’t shake that. Maybe Asahi would evict him for plant homicide, and then he wouldn’t have to be a torment to Daichi, separated only by a wall. Suga dug his knuckles into his eyes. _Why am I so stupid?_ Two hours later when the sun was starting to creep up, Suga crawled out from under the comforter, downing a glass of water but still feeling a little drunk. Taking the largest mug he owned and throwing on a sweatshirt and his slippers he headed for the stairwell.

Outside a mist hung over the world, the sounds of a city starting to wake layered into the blue light, deep cobalt shadows. He found the shattered pot wondering if the plant could survive. Gently he scooped the dirt into his mug, tucking the plant in as tenderly as he could. It looked sad. Borrowing one of the first floor resident’s lawn chairs, Suga climbed up onto Asahi’s balcony replacing the plant in its rightful spot, before lowering himself back down. He missed the dismount knocking over the chair and landing sprawled on the concrete, head aching. He laid there for a bit remembering when he’d fallen from the tree, the pure panic on Daichi’s face. When the weather changed sometimes his arm still ached. Groaning his sat up and returned the lawn chair, collecting the broken pieces of the pot Asahi’s plant had been in and dumping them into the garbage.

When he’d made it back up to their floor, he summoned all his courage and knocked on Daichi’s door.

There was no answer.


	5. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Un-break the potted plant

Daichi walked all the way to Tanaka’s apartment. It was still early and cool out and by the time he reached the intercom to call up, he was feeling dumb for coming all this way. He’d felt so lost. Takeo had told him the night before that it would be fine. But he’d woken up this morning and it was not fine. It was the opposite of fine. It was a dumpster fire, a five alarm blaze, it was a home razed to the ground.

“Yo, Daichi, what’s up?” Tanaka said when he opened the door. He was still in his underwear, wrinkles from his pillowcase impressed on his face. “Noya said you were at a wicked party last night. He’s still passed out.”

“You wanna go play some volleyball?” Daichi asked voice shaking, standing still, the restless feeling was hitting him again, like if he didn’t start moving again he was going to cry.

“Sure man, is something up?” Tanaka looked worried. “Let me get dressed and we can go. I gave the kids today off so the gym’s probably free. Should I try to get Noya up?”

“You can let him sleep,” Daichi said running a shaking hand through his hair.

“Okay, okay,” Tanaka said eying him warily and going to get dressed. Daichi paced their small living area while he waited. Finally there was movement and he looked to see Nishinoya pale as a ghost creep from his bedroom and into the bathroom, followed by the sound of puking. Tanaka reappeared in a hoodie and shorts. “Alright, let’s go,” he said rubbing his hands and leading the way out.

“You wanna talk about it?” he asked when they were in the gym putting up the net. Daichi didn’t even consider, just shook his head in answer to that question. “You know I’ll listen if you want to,” Tanaka told him, “I probably can’t give you any good advice, but they tell me I’m good listener.”

“Who’s they?”

“Noya, Saeko. I mean that should make me a catch right?” Tanaka asked setting up to serve, “Kiyoko-san is letting me take her on a date. I’m nervous as hell.” He sent the ball sailing over the net, it was going to be out but Daichi received it anyway, all he wanted was the rush of adrenaline, the feeling of the ball on his wrists. “Tonight. Will you help me pick out what to wear? I can’t even tell Noya because he’ll tell me it’s just a pity date.”

“Shimizu is nice, I’m sure it’ll go fine,” Daichi said, “I don’t think she’d agree to a pity date. Noya wouldn’t tell you that either, he’s your biggest cheerleader not your enemy.”

“Ah, there’s some of that Daichi Encouragement™, lifts me right up,” Tanaka said smiling and sending another one over. This one was in bounds but Daichi couldn’t get it, diving and missing it.

“That was a good one.”

“I’m just getting warmed up,” Tanaka said stretching his arms and lining up again.

Returning home, Daichi almost felt okay. He’d made a mistake but it’d be okay. Even if Suga didn’t feel the same, it didn’t have to mess up their relationship. They could still do friend stuff, he could have boundaries, he could just stop caring in that way. It was fine. Everything was fine.

It had clearly been a while since he’d played, thighs aching as he climbed the stairs to his floor, and then he looked up to find himself face to face with a startled Suga who he had nearly collided with.

“Daichi,” Suga looked like he had not slept at all, hair messier than usual, leaning heavy on the stair rail. “I was looking for you. Uh, about last night, I’m sorry, I…” Daichi’s heart had leapt up into his throat. It was all a lie, he couldn’t do this, not if Suga was about to tell him he was not interested.

“I got really drunk huh?” he blurted out instead, stopping whatever Suga was about to say, “I’m sorry if I did anything weird.”

“Did anything weird?”

“I mean, I don’t really remember,” Daichi continued feeling the heat in his face. Suga had to know he was lying, but Suga’s eyes weren’t on Daichi’s burning face but down on the ground, brows knit together.

“You don’t remember?”

“We were on the balcony forever right? And then this morning I woke up on the couch. I threw up a couple of times, I’m feeling a lot better now,” he said in what he hoped came off in a cheery upbeat imitation of himself.

“That’s good, I guess. Yeah you didn’t do anything weird, don’t worry about it. I was pretty drunk too,” Suga said glancing at Daichi’s face. If he had been ready to turn Daichi’s confession down, why did he look so sad right now? Daichi’s head hurt trying to solve that equation. “I’m going to get groceries, need anything?” he asked starting back down the stairs, passing Daichi.

“I’m fine. Thanks though,” Daichi trailed off and began again, “Suga…” Daichi started but couldn’t finish. Suga kept going down the stairs, not looking back, picking up speed.

“Later, Daichi,” he squawked and he was gone.

Daichi couldn’t move, leaning against the wall not sure if he’d won or lost.

Daichi had almost stayed for practice. He’d brought his kneepads and shoes, fully intending to. He’d stopped at the gym doors and saw Tanaka talking to Shimizu-sensei. Their date must’ve gone well he thought idly. Much as he loved Tanaka he wasn’t sure he was up to hearing a gushing recap of his success when his own heart still felt like a cracked open egg, a smashed blueberry, crushed hopes and unrepairable damage. The only medicine he could think of, if he couldn’t have volleyball, was coffee and pretending like he was okay.

Suga was behind the counter like it was any other normal Monday afternoon. He was laughing with the man he was making coffee for, handing it over with a wink while Daichi felt flushed with acidic jealousy, in his chest like heartburn. He contemplated whether or not he’d been seen and if he could still run away from whatever specific sort of torture this was.

Instead he approached the counter. Up close, Suga looked paler than normal, his cheeks flushed, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his wrist.

“Hey Suga.”

“Hi, Daichi. Doing the regular?” Suga asked without looking up, he’d already grabbed the cup without waiting for Daichi’s answer. Daichi’s heart twisted.

“Yeah,” Daichi agreed feeling like he was starring in a particularly bad play about himself and giving a terribly stilted performance. Suga still hadn’t looked at him. “Suga, we’re okay right?”

“Why wouldn’t we be okay?” Suga stirred in the espresso, finished with foam on top. He offered it to Daichi.

“I don’t know. I just… I’m sorry about Friday. For making it weird.”

“Weird? We all get a little drunk sometimes. It’s no big deal,” Suga assured him picking up a rag to wipe the counter. He wouldn’t look Daichi in the eye, hands shaking a little.

“You’re sure we’re okay?”

“Yeah just drink your coffee and quit worrying… Good afternoon!” he called to the lady who’d just walked in the door, his head finally lifting, his hazel eyes glossy.

Daichi didn’t sit down to drink, he left immediately, unable to stand the tension any longer. He was unlocking his apartment door before he realized he’d left the coffee on the counter back in the shop.

The rest of the week Daichi stopped going to the coffee shop, instead joining Tanaka every day in the gym. He came home exhausted and crawled into bed to do it all over again the next day. On Friday feeling remorse over this decision he decided to risk the coffee shop. Ennoshita was the one leaning on the counter, looking bored when he opened the door.

“’Afternoon,” Ennoshita called, “I was wondering where you’d got to, Sawamura. Getting your regular?”

“Sure,” Daichi said, eyes scanning for the familiar ash blonde hair, but it was just Ennoshita and the grumpy blonde guy, Tsukishima, who usually only worked mornings.

“How’s Suga doing?” Ennoshita asked handing him the drink.

“Uh, how’s he doing?”

“This is the third day he’s called in sick,” Ennoshita said frowning. “You didn’t know?”

“Uh,” Daichi scratched the back of his head, looking down into the coffee for the answer.

“Sorry, I guess Suga makes it seem like you guys hang out a lot, I just figured.”

“It’s fine. We’re neighbors. I’ve… uh, been busy this week,” Daichi said.

“Neighbors? Let me send some of our good tea with you when you go. He sounded really bad over the phone. Tell him we hope he’s feeling better. Right, Tsukishima?”

“Tell him, he owes me,” Tsukishima responded. “I was supposed to be off today.” Ennoshita rolled his eyes.

Asahi was lurking by the mailboxes when Daichi got back to the apartment, small tea canister tucked under his arm.

“Hey Daichi, it looks like Sugawara hasn’t gotten his mail for a while, would you take it up to him?” Asahi asked with a sly smile offering Daichi a stack of mail. Daichi grimaced taking the stack without a word.

“Something happen?” Asahi asked.

“Nothing happened.”

“You sure? I haven’t seen Suga since the party, is he out of town?”

“You haven’t seen him?”

“No.” Worry crept up Daichi’s spine, and he turned towards the stairs.

“Oh and Daichi? Do you know what happened to the succulent on my balcony?”

“That was me. My fault, sorry,” Daichi apologized immediately knowing which plant Asahi meant, the one Suga had knocked off the railing. Asahi was giving him a funny look.

“You replanted it in a cat mug?” Daichi’s mind went blank and he nodded dumbly, hurrying for the stairs.

Knocking on Suga’s door, all Daichi could feel was dread, hoping Suga would answer and simultaneously hoping he would not. Maybe he was asleep, maybe he wasn’t actually sick and just avoiding Daichi. Daichi tried to determine whether there was someone looking out at him through the peephole. Then the door opened. Suga looked worse than Daichi thought he’d ever seen him, dark smudges beneath his eyes, nose red and cheeks flushed, he was wrapped in a large blanket, hair a mess. He had no reaction to seeing Daichi at his door. Daichi offered him the mail.

“Asahi wanted me to bring these up,” he said offering Suga the stack. Suga considered for a moment before accepting them.

“Thanks,” he mumbled in a hoarse voice, he moved to shut the door. Daichi held out the canister.

“And Ennoshita sent tea. Suga, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, I don’t need you worrying about me.”

“You look like death warmed over.”

Suga leaned against the door jam.

“Daichi, I am so tired.”

Daichi reached out the back of his hand to feel Suga’s forehead.

“Suga, you’ve got a fever.”

“Is that what a fever feels like?”

“You should get back to bed,” Daichi hesitated as Suga moved to shut the door. “Don’t lock it, I’ll make you some soup. I’ll bring it over in a bit.” Suga’s watery eyes met his.

“Daichi,” he croaked.

“Go lay down.”

“I don’t want you to catch it.”

“It’s okay, soup will make you feel good.”

“Okay,” Suga was too tired to fight. He shut the door.

Later Daichi brought over a pot of soup he’d warmed. Suga’s apartment was dark when he let himself in. Suga usually came over to his place so Daichi hadn’t seen more than peeks of it since he’d moved in. Boxes were still sitting unpacked, the shades drawn the whole place was like a cave. In his room there was a Suga shaped lump on the futon.

“Suga, I’m here,” he said unsure if he was sleeping.

“Welcome home,” Suga answered him hoarsely. Daichi set the pot on Suga’s stove and hunted for a bowl. The sink was full of dirty dishes and eventually he had to wash out a bowl from the pile because there were no clean ones to be found. He brought the soup and sat down beside the futon.

“Hey,” he said. Suga rolled over, watery eyes on him, Daichi felt his forehead again. “How long have you been like this?”

“Couple of days,” Suga murmured closing his eyes. Daichi smoothed back the damp hair from his forehead, unable to stop himself.

“You’ve been drinking water?”

“Dunno.”

“Do you have a thermometer? Should you see a doctor?”

Suga’s eyes opened again to fix Daichi with an irritated look.

“Leave the soup. Go home Daichi.”

“I can’t leave you like this.”

“Sure you can,” he rasped and rolled over again, putting his back to Daichi. Daichi brought him a glass of water and then retreated from the dark room. He washed all the dishes in the sink and put them away. Putting the leftover soup into the fridge. There were photos stuck to the fridge with magnets. One of Suga and his mom. Another of Yaku and some other boy in volleyball uniforms flipping off the camera. A second photo that was clearly a selfie with Suga throwing the peace sign and the other two grinning cheesily. Daichi hadn’t seen Yaku since he’d helped Suga move in. That was it for pictures, and for a strange moment he was disappointed he wasn’t present on Suga’s fridge.

He crept back to Suga’s room to find the bowl empty and the water glass halfway drained, Suga snoring softly. That was when he saw it on the bookshelf. The tiny pokemon figure.

Daichi remembered going to the conbini after school on Friday. Spending their allowance on snacks. For a while they’d sold the tiny pokemon. Suga could not resist. He’d had a whole army of them marching in a single file line across his window sill in his old bedroom. At any given point in time there had been at least five of them floating around in his backpack. At least twice, Suga had pelted one at Daichi across the classroom during school. He’d lost some of them over time. He always knew which ones were missing, there had been more than one afternoon spent retracing their steps through the woods behind Daichi’s house, the empty lot, or in the sports field behind their school, even downtown looking for the missing monster. When Daichi had moved away Suga had offered him one.

“This one’s your favorite right. Take it.”

“It’s yours though,” he’d tried to refuse.

“Well I want you to have it. It’s yours now. Don’t lose it or I’ll never forgive you.”

Daichi accepted it. He couldn’t ever remember any of their names. It was small and blue with a swirl on its stomach. Daichi couldn’t remember what had happened to it. He’d moved so many times since then, he tried to remember the last time he’d seen it, and if Suga remembered he’d given him it.

“Suga, I’m sorry,” Daichi mumbled, and hoped he could be forgiven.

Daichi was back in the woods. It was night and the silence pressing in on him. The leaves were gone off the trees. He knew he was alone this time. No one was out here to help him. Wherever Suga was he could not hear Daichi’s calls for help. He couldn’t see the trails at all, pushing through the brush. He could hear footsteps behind him, the crunching sound of wolves through the fallen leaves, their heavy breathing making all the hair stand up on Daichi’s neck. He started to run, he didn’t know where he was headed only that he could not stay here. Overhead the moon was full but there were no stars…

Daichi was startled awake by the sound of the front door unlocking. Groggily he sat up on the couch rubbing his eyes, trying to dispel the dream and remembering after a moment that he was in Suga’s apartment and not his own.

“Suga?”

But he found Suga was not leaving, someone else was coming in through the door. Daichi’s heart jumped into his throat reaching for the nearest weapon which was Suga’s heavy two ton Chemistry textbook. The man at the door turned on the light and gave a shout when he saw Daichi brandishing the book.

“Fuck!” he shouted.

“Yaku?”

“Who the fuck are you? Suga?! Suga are you okay?” Yaku called into the apartment in a panic.

“It’s Daichi,” Daichi said setting down the book and lifting his hands in innocence, “I uh, live next door.”

“Fuck, that’s right,” said Yaku with a sigh and then his eyes narrowed on Daichi, “What are you doing here?”

“I…” Daichi reeled. Suga might’ve told the guys at the coffee shop they were friends, but Yaku didn’t seem to think Daichi had any business being here at all. “I brought over some soup,” he finished lamely. Yaku set a plastic shopping bag of food down on the counter shedding his jacket and backpack. He’d clearly just come from university. Daichi couldn’t remember what Suga said he was studying.

“Where is Suga anyway?” Yaku asked looking around as if their friend was just hiding someplace, the suspicion was still in his eyes when they landed on Daichi.

“Sleeping, last I checked,” Daichi said. “His fever’s gone down a little.”

Yaku stuck his head in Suga’s room before accepting that Daichi was telling him the truth.

“You can go home. He asked me to come over, I can take care of him now.”

“Oh, okay,” Daichi flinched at the thought Suga had asked Yaku and not him to come over. He was the one right next door.

“I think this is yours, sensei,” Suga said days later, standing outside Daichi’s door holding his soup pot.

“You look better. How are you feeling?”

“A lot better,” Suga agreed. Daichi still thought he was a little pale, wearing a big hoodie, gym shorts and slippers, all a little rumpled.

“It’s a good thing you’ve got a friend like Yaku to take care of you…”

“Don’t let him deceive you. Morisuke is a pain in my ass. I had to force him to leave. I specifically told him not to come over and then he comes over _anyways_ , does all my dirty dishes and then decides that entitles him to drink all my beer. I’m not made of money, Daichi, I can’t afford Yaku’s friendship,” Suga reported rolling his eyes. Then he looked sheepish, “But thank you for the soup and hanging out and making me drink water.”

“It was the least I could do.”

“But still,” Suga said offering him the pot. “I appreciate it.” Daichi accepted it. “Remember when I got the chicken pox.”

“And then you gave it to me?”

“Only because you came over and talked to me through the window. I didn’t know how chicken pox worked. I told my mom you brought me that popsicle and she freaked out.” Suga was grinning shyly and Daichi beamed back.

“But at least once I got it you could come bother me since you’d already had it.”

“The silver lining, for you,” Suga said, “I got the short end of that stick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: going home


	6. Old New Neighbors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home

“Daichi, I need your help.”

“I wasn’t any good at chem, Suga.”

“Not homework help,” Suga said with a serious look. Daichi opened the door wider to let Suga inside. Suga kicked off his shoes that he only had halfway on. The boundary between their apartments seemed to be shrinking the last two weeks, Daichi kept finding Suga’s hoodies on the floor. He had three of them folded on one of his kitchen chairs, determined that next time he went over he’d give them back. Even now as Suga headed for his living room, he was shrugging off his current sweatshirt.

“Don’t you dare,” Daichi scolded him as he prepared to throw it.

“Huh?”

“How do you have any hoodies left?”

“Do you have all my hoodies? You’re the hoodie thief?”

“You’re the one leaving them here.”

Suga laughed.

“I suppose that makes sense, your apartment is a lot warmer than mine, I always get in here and start sweating immediately.”

“That’s because you don’t run your heat at all because you’re a cheap ass.”

“We can’t all be living off our rich brothers,” Suga shot back. Daichi cracked his knuckles and Suga smothered the shit eating smile creeping across his face. “Uh related,” he said and pulled a folded letter out of his back pocket. Heat spread across Daichi’s face and his brain fumbled for a moment and as Suga unfolded the letter and offered it to Daichi. Immediately he felt stupid when he saw it what it was and not what he’d been imagining it might be.

“What is this?” he asked, it was a bill for a storage unit, but he had no idea why Suga had handed it to him.

“Our fall breaks line up, right? I asked for time off the coffee shop, will you come to Sendai with me?”

Daichi felt like he was trying to put together a puzzle of pieces that did not match up at all.

“Suga, what is _this?”_ he asked waving the bill.

“Um, so,” Suga turned away from Daichi to flop down on the couch, tossing his sweatshirt onto the coffee table. “So when Mom,” he started and stopped, “When I moved to Tokyo, my aunt and uncle emptied most of the house into this storage unit. And we were supposed to go through it, but that never happened. And uh, I guess it’s mine so I’ve been paying to keep the storage unit, but,” he was rubbing his eyes. Daichi leaned on the back of the couch. “I need to go through it because I can’t afford to keep paying the rent on it. But I don’t want to do it alone? Will you help me? I know it’s a super lame way to spend the week off, but I don’t know who else to ask.”

“Way to make me feel special.”

“Daichi, you’re the only one I’d want to help me go through it. Yaku would be so bored, I already feel like a burden to him every time we’re in the same room,” Suga said frowning. “He’s done too much for me already.”

“And I’m a bottomless pit for favors.”

“Exactly,” Suga said giving him a bright smile, the one that Daichi couldn’t say no to.

“Okay.”

“Okay? For real?” Suga looked surprised.

“For real. I haven’t ever been back and I’ve always wondered if it’s how I remember it.”

“It’s probably smaller,” Suga told him, laying on his back and gazing up at Daichi. Daichi had to drag his eyes away from Suga’s.

“Definitely,” Daichi agreed.

That was how they found themselves a week later on the train. Shoulder to shoulder on an unreserved car. Suga was nodding off, leaning heavily against Daichi, backpacks shoved under the seats by their feet. He had a chem textbook open and Daichi didn’t blame him for not being able to keep his eyes open. He was watching out the window as the landscape gradually shifted to something that felt as comfortable as a second skin, they reached Sendai and he recognized buildings, the station.

“Suga, we’re here,” he said elbowing Suga whose head had sunk to his shoulder. Suga jerked upright.

“Huh?”

“We’re here,” he said again, pulling out his backpack as the passengers began emptying out of the doors. Suga took the lead, they got out of the train and transferred to a local line, stops passing by like familiar faces and then they had reached their old neighborhood, climbing to the street and Daichi reeled. Because it was the same but also very different, shops gone replaced with new ones, others were the same as they’d always been. Suga pulled the address up on his phone and continued to lead the way.

The storage unit place was deeply impersonal and as they approached the door, Suga’s confident lead faltered, mouth pressed in a thin line.

“Daichi I don’t know if I can do this.”

“It’ll be fine. It’s just the little stuff right? All the furniture is still in the house.”

“Don’t remind me about the house,” Suga said voice thin.

“That’s where we’re staying though, so you better start thinking about it.”

“You’re not helping.”

“I’m being realistic.”

“I need supportive not realistic.”

“House? What house? This box is going to be full of junk mail and it’ll take us five minutes to decide it all belongs in the bin.”

“Daichi.”

“Suga, you’re stressing me out.”

“Daichi, _you’re_ stressing _me_ out.”

Daichi pushed open the door and led the way. It took some effort to find the one, Suga had the key and unlocking the door, together they lifted up the garage style door. Daichi didn’t know what he expected, a mess, mold, things that were familiar to him or not. Suga sucked in a breath beside him. There was a tv, and an abundance of boxes, edges of yellowed papers he could see stacked in a box, photo albums, books, boxes marked clothes, shoes, there was a shovel leaned up against the wall, gardening supplies, a hundred things useless and useful assembled in a jumble, more than his brain could process in a first look. He turned to Suga who was biting his lip, fists clenched. And then without any discussion Daichi helped him pull the door back down and lock it.

“Not today. We’ll do it tomorrow,” Suga said as they headed back for the exit, walking so quickly Daichi nearly had to jog to keep up with him.

“Were there bikes in there? We should’ve taken them,” Daichi said on the long walk from the shopping district into their neighborhood, familiar trees, back alleyways.

“No bikes, I took mine to Tokyo. Somebody stole it from my high school.”

“That happened to me too, in the first week after we moved. Man, big cities are different than the boonies.”

“You’re telling me,” Suga laughed, “Country boy mistakes huh? You probably didn’t lock yours up either, then?”

“Nope,” Daichi grinned at him. Then they were there on his street. There was the Iwaizumi’s house, the trees in the front startlingly taller than he remembered, the house seemed dwarfed by them now.

“Wonder what happened to Iwaizumi,” murmured Suga.

“How much you wanna bet he and Oikawa are still playing volleyball?”

“Is there even any doubt about that?” Suga asked, and they came to a halt. Daichi’s house was a different color, flowers planted out front, three small bicycles lying in a haphazard heap. Two screaming girls chasing each other around the edge of the house, an older brother sprawled on the front step with a book, hood pulled up over his head. Daichi didn’t feel as sad as he thought he might feel, it didn’t even look like the same place he’d grown up. Suga was hanging beside him and nudged him.

“It’s different isn’t it?”

“A lot different,” Daichi said and then a thought came to him. “Do you remember that box we buried in the woods?”

“Do you think it’s still out there?”

“Do you think we could find it?”

“We put a whole bunch of stuff in it didn’t we?”

“I think we wrote notes to our future selves. I’m pretty sure I put food in there. It’s probably all disgusting by now.”

Suga giggled at that idea.

“Why’d you put food in there?”

“Why do you do anything when you’re eleven? I had no concept of time. What’d you put in there?”

“Don’t you remember? Baseball cards. Some of those little pokemon things, remember those?”

“You were obsessed, how could I forget. There’s one on your bookshelf in your apartment.”

“Daichi!”

“There is, don’t deny it!”

Suga’s house was exactly the same, except where Daichi’s had more life, Suga’s was quieter. His mom had always kept pots of flowers on the front porch area, they were gone, the house could use a fresh coat of paint, the lawn clipped neat. They didn’t say anything as Suga unlocked the door and let them into the dark. He flipped on a light.

“I had some cousins living here up until last spring, they were going to school at the university.”

“You haven’t been back since high school?”

“No.” They forged ahead, everything was neat and tidy, the furniture all the same as Daichi remembered it, but the house felt smaller, or his body was larger, all the spaces felt wrong. “I’m supposed to meet with the realtor tomorrow,” Suga said setting his backpack down on the floor and opening the refrigerator. It was empty.

“No popsicles?”

Suga pulled open the freezer, he hesitated just long enough that Daichi started to wonder if it was possible.

“Nope,” Suga said sticking out his tongue. “No food in here at all. Want to do a conbini run?”

“Did you think it’d ever end up like this? Leaving Miyagi for good?” Daichi asked as they roamed the aisles of the conbini. It was the same as he remembered it, just smaller, there seemed to be less selection. The girl at the counter looked very familiar but Daichi couldn’t place her.

“Who says it’s for good?” Suga asked picking up a six pack of beer.

“I mean this moment, both of us in Tokyo now.”

“I didn’t. I mean, there’s a lot of things I didn’t think would happen that have,” Suga sighed. “Do you ever wonder what happened to Iwaizumi and Oikawa? Or that crazy kid Hinata who lived down the street? Put back that instant ramen, I think they’ve got pork buns, let’s eat those instead.” Daichi tossed it back.

“I think Mr. Iwaizumi is still living in that house on my street we could ask him. Hey, do you know that girl at the counter?” Suga craned his neck peering past Daichi at the girl. She had short dark hair, smiling at the customer she was ringing up. A wicked gleam appeared in Suga’s eye.

“You don’t recognize the love of your life, Daichi?”

“The what?” Daichi felt heat spreading across his face and turned around to look at the girl again and then back to Suga who was still smirking at him. “Come on, just tell me.”

“Why don’t you go ask her?” Suga said pushing him toward the register. Daichi resisted but then they were there and she greeted them with a smile, ringing up their beer and snacks, getting the pork buns that Suga had spied and tucking them neatly into a bag.

“Do I know you two?” she asked them ringing up their total as Daichi pulled out his wallet. “Wait, Sawamura?” she asked gaping as she put it together, “And Suga-kun? It’s been ages!”

“Yeah, long time no see, _Michimiya_ -chan,” Suga said stepping on Daichi’s foot. Daichi winced.

“What are you guys up to? Weren’t you both in Tokyo? Am I remembering that right? What a trip to see you both back here. Makes me feel like I’m back in sixth grade again.”

“Just tying up some loose ends,” Suga said as Daichi handed over the money.

“How about you, Michimiya?” Daichi asked as she rang it into the register and handed him back the change.

“Just helping out my parents here,” she told them flushing a little. “Nothing special. Not Tokyo for sure.”

“That’s fine,” Suga assured her, “Tokyo’s nothing special either, huh Daichi?”

“Say, we were talking just now whatever happened to Iwaizumi and Oikawa?”

“You don’t know? They both went pro. I think the same team actually. Iwaizumi’s dad gives me their latest scores every time he comes in here,” Michimiya told them, eyes lighting up.

“That sounds just like him,” Daichi agreed.

“What about Hinata?” Suga asked.

“He was a grade or two below us right? The little redhead?”

Suga nodded.

“I think he’s in Brazil? If you can believe that.”

Outside the sun was pushing toward evening.

“Let’s take the shortcut,” Daichi said with a grin.

“Daichi I should warn you…” Suga started but Daichi had already jogged ahead down the street. “Come back here, you bastard!” Suga called after him. Daichi came to a halt when he reached what should have been the vacant lot. Except now it was an office building. Not even gleaming new, but settled into the landscape around it. Suga caught up to him.

“It’s a shame isn’t it? They built it the first year of high school. Cut down the tree and everything,” he said.

“Is the short cut still there?”

“I bet yes, but also no offense but you’re not the same size you were when we were thirteen,” Suga said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Daichi asked as Suga led the way around the building to the hedge they’d regularly cut through that brought them out on the edge of the woods by Daichi’s house. The last time they had been there, the space had been well defined, the path beat down from not only Suga and Daichi regularly running down it but also all the other kids in the neighborhood. Suga crouched down at the place. It was much smaller than Daichi remembered.

“Want to try it?” Suga asked raising his eyebrows. “Two grown men creeping through the bushes is fine right?” Daichi led the way, having to crawl.

“What’d you think of Michimiya?” Suga asked from behind him, branches catching on Daichi’s jacket.

“What was I supposed to think?”

“She still as dreamy as you remember?”

“Jesus, Suga,” groaned Daichi.

They came out the other side of the short cut, not in the edge of the woods but somebody else’s back yard, a new house that Daichi did not recognize. Frustrated and a little confused Daichi sat back on his heels brushing the dirt off his knees. Suga clambered out of the tunnel behind him, leaves stuck in his hair, and emptied their provisions out of his hoodie, the six pack of beer and the bag with the pork buns.

“Where are we at?”

“Where we were always at,” Suga told him and led the way to the fence which with some effort he climbed over, Daichi passing him the beer and food and then struggled over the top, laughing in the grass on the other side, Suga combing the twigs out of his hair with his fingers.

“You know, if we’d been in high school together we would have gotten in so much trouble,” Suga said as they crept through another back yard, skirting a flower bed in the gathering darkness.

“Speak for yourself, I was a good kid in high school.”

“So was I, but look at you now, sensei, crawling through somebody’s yard carrying beer. I’m not saying on our own, I’m saying _together_ ,” Suga said, “Up all night, running wild. Your mom would’ve had a cow.” Daichi smiled to himself at that thought, and then the stab of loss that that life was one he’d never get to have, their teenage years were behind them now, that the Suga between then and now would always be lost to him. Maybe even now present day Suga was lost to him as well, a mistake he’d made that he kept paying for.

“You’ve got a point,” he conceded. “It would’ve been alright though, your mom would’ve bailed us out of whatever trouble we got into.”

“I don’t know about that,” Suga said. A light came on in the window of the house they were creeping past and they both froze.

“Shit,” hissed Daichi.

“If they come outside, we’re going to have to run,” Suga told him calmly. “Don’t drop the beer though.” Nobody appeared in the window or opened the door, so silently they made for the gate out of the yard. Suga unlatched it and let them out and then he jogged for the sidewalk giggling as they were finally off of other people’s property.

“Everything is different,” Daichi complained as they made for Suga’s house, “Even the things that are the same. Michimiya and the conbini and our houses. Except you.”

“I’m different too,” Suga contended, not looking at Daichi, the street lights were just barely coming on, his face lost in shadow.

“Not really,” Daichi told him, “You’re still the kid I grew up with, even if you’re taller and talk more shit.”

“Hey!” Suga said turning to him with a grin and jabbed Daichi in the ribs with his fist. “I always talked shit.”

“That’s what I’m saying,” Daichi laughed. “You’re still Suga.”

“Well you’re still Daichi.”

They could pick out Suga’s house on the street now, they’d left the porch light on and for an instant Daichi was transported back in time, it was dinner time and they’d been out all day, Mrs. Sugawara was inside and dinner was ready and he was hit with the feeling of _coming home_. And just as suddenly it was gone, and he was still twenty five, carrying the beer, Suga in thoughtful silence beside him. The house was empty but they would fill it.

Daichi had the nightmare again about the woods. Except this time he’d lost Suga, calling his name to no answer and none of the paths were familiar, the places they’d played hide and seek were gone, the forest path twisted up. Daichi had called and called until his throat was hoarse until he was sure he was just as lost as Suga, maybe Suga wasn’t even out here, maybe he was all alone and it had always been that way.

He woke with a start, sweaty and breathing hard, and then squeezing his eyes shut trying to slow his pounding heart.

“Daichi, you okay?” Suga’s voice was soft beside him sounding worried. Something eased in Daichi hearing him. _Thank god he’s not lost._

“Fine,” Daichi answered his voice shaky and too loud in the dark. He opened his eyes, it was past midnight, the soft night glow of street lights cutting shapes across the dark walls of Suga’s old room, their two futons spread out side by side.

“You still have nightmares?” Suga asked.

“Sometimes.”

“What was it about?”

Talking was undoing the knot, Daichi felt his heart rate dropping.

“I was in the woods behind the house,” he said.

“This was a nightmare?”

“You were lost and I couldn’t find you.”

Suga shifted beside him.

“Usually I’m the one who’s lost. I’ve been having this recurring dream,” Daichi continued when it was clear Suga was not going to comment on what that could mean. “I keep thinking I’m about to get out, because I know those woods, right? But then the path is turned around and I’m in deeper than I was before and the sun’s going down. And in the dream I’m convinced there’s wolves in the woods. And I know you’re looking for me so I keep calling your name, because the sooner I find you the sooner we get out. And if the sun goes down then we’re both still out there and the wolves get us.”

“This is a really detailed dream.”

“It’s awful. It feels so real, like even though I recognize it, I know that it’s a dream but it still sucks me in, I’m still scared as fuck.”

“It’s okay, you’re not in the woods. You’re here and I’m here and there’s no wolves.”

“I know,” Daichi breathed out. Suga shifted beside him and he realized he was propped up on his elbow looking at Daichi’s face in the dark. “Did I wake you?”

“Yeah, but it’s alright.”

_“Let’s eat the popsicles now,” Suga said as the wave washed out his sand castle, it dissolved like sugar in the water. Daichi dug his feet out from where he’d buried them in the sand._

_“Okay, let me get wet one more time though,” he said splashing out into the water._

_“Okay, jerk!” Suga called after him, sticking out his tongue. Daichi swam out a ways, watching Suga get smaller and smaller on the shore behind him. He dunked his head under the water. It was deep enough out here that he couldn’t touch the bottom anymore, the water by his feet ice cold. He thought about sharks and jelly fish and all sorts of things swimming down below and began to paddle back towards the shore._

_That was when the waves hit him, slamming over his head plunging him under. Gasping he clawed his way back out, the shore no closer, the waves pulling him out further. Suga was still standing at the shore waving his bag arm at Daichi. The next wave dropped him back under again._

_“Daichi!” the shout reached him as he surfaced barely catching a breath before he went back under. For the space of a small eternity he fought against the water, surfacing only to get pushed back down._

_Finally hands caught him under his armpits dragging him to the surface._

_“Just kick your feet,” Suga was saying breathless in his ear, “Float on your back and kick your feet.” Panic still swelling through Daichi with the waves he tried to listen. Slowly they went, Suga towing him until finally they were staggering in the shallows, Suga holding him up. Daichi’s knees felt weak, at last they dropped to the sand panting.  
“Daichi are you okay?” Suga sounded winded beside him, brows pulled down in concern, shaking water off the bag on his arm. Daichi coughed, his whole mouth tasted like seawater._

_“’m okay,” he choked watching in horror as Suga pulled the bag off his arm, water running out from inside his cast._

_“So much for not getting it wet huh? Want me to go get your mom?”_

_“No, we can’t tell them.”_

_“We kinda have to. Getting the cast wet is bad. My mom said stuff can get infected. It’ll be okay. They’ll understand.”_

_“My mom will freak.”_

_“I’ll just tell her I tripped and fell in.”_

_“Might as well tell her I pushed you. It’s my fault.”_

_“Not your fault. She’ll ground you for a month. I won’t be able to come over anymore. Daichi I’ll die of boredom.”_

They’d gotten up early to dig up their box in the woods. Suga was calling it a time capsule. Daichi was convinced it was probably better left buried.

“There’s no way anything survived, your baseball cards are ruined, just face it.”

“You’re such a downer Daichi. They’re probably fine. I’ll sell them on eBay and make a cool million. You’re just mad I put something worthwhile in there instead of food. I still can’t believe you did that.”

Daichi shook his head. The trails he thought he’d known by heart looked strange in the early morning light. Until he wasn’t really sure where they were at. Suga was leading the way along anyway, confidently pursuing a path that Daichi didn’t remember, shovel resting against his shoulder. It had rained the night before and the way was muddy and by the time they’d come to a stop Daichi’s shoes were coated and he could feel water squelching in with every step. Suga examined the spot and Daichi waited for the memory of it to return. It didn’t look the way he’d remembered it at all.

“It’s here, right?” Suga finally asked.

“I thought you knew?”

“I think this is right, but I don’t really remember, this is the path that cuts back to the park, on the little off shoot.”

“That sounds right, but I don’t remember it looking like this.”

“Me neither.”

They considered the spot for a minute.

“Wait, we cut into the tree where it was, remember,” Daichi finally said eyes sliding over the trees in the clearing.

“That’s right.”

Suga went to the nearest tree looking for a mark they’d left. Daichi turned searching for it. It’d been an x and an initial, either his or Suga’s he couldn’t quite remember. He’d been the one to cut it with a pocket knife he’d stole of his dad’s. He remembered that it had seemed like it would be easy, and then his hand had slipped and he’d cut his left hand that he was balancing against the tree with. There was still a faint scar over his knuckles. He winced remembering. Sitting at the clinic while Suga’s mom patiently stitched his hand. She’d patted his head, while Suga sat beside him white as a sheet, lips in a thin line like he was about to pass out. His own mother had been so angry, he’d been grounded for weeks, she’d wanted to know what he’d been doing with the knife in the first place, where he’d gotten it. He said he’d found it in the woods, having already replaced it back in his father’s tool box.

“Daichi, look,” Suga called and Daichi joined him at the tree. He could see the faint jagged scratch of the x, the beginning of an unfinished initial. Suga looked to him, eyes bright, reaching to grab the shovel. Daichi watched him dig, first on one side of the tree and then the other.

“Maybe we buried it deeper,” he said when nothing had turned up from the shallow graves. Suga was sweating, it was still chilly but warming as the sun lifted up beginning to burn through the clouds. He wiped his forehead and shrugged off his hoodie.

“I don’t remember it being that deep when we buried it,” he said.

“I think I dug the hole,” Daichi said.

“No I’m pretty sure it was me,” Suga said, “And eleven year old me would not have put as much energy into this as I already have.”

“I don’t think eleven year old you could’ve picked up a shovel,” Daichi returned. Still gripping it Suga turned toward him drawing it back as if to swing.

“What’re you saying Daichi?” he threatened eyes gleaming with mischief.

“You were a scrawny kid, you can’t deny it.”

“Okay Mr. Muscles, why don’t you dig for a bit since you’ve got such big buff arms,” Suga said thrusting the shovel at him and flopping back to sit on his sweatshirt in the dirt. Daichi accepted the shovel and dug into the hard packed earth on the front side of the tree, feeling Suga’s eyes on his back, heat in his face that had nothing to do with the temperature. He’d made the digging look easy, Daichi strained using the sole of his tennis shoes to push the shovel down. He dug a little deeper than Suga had, unsure if it really had been him who’d dug the hole initially. He remembered carrying the shovel through the woods on the way, remembered the hole itself and the dirt on top of it and they’d stomped on it for good measure so it blended in. No one would ever know where they’d buried their treasure. Maybe not even them.

“Not so easy is it?” Suga asked.

“Shut up.”

“I don’t think it was on the clearing side of the tree, it was on the sides, the front was too obvious. Don’t you remember we dumped handfuls of weeds over it afterward to make it blend in with the rest?” Daichi could imagine his hands pulling up sharp green blades of grass and forest brush and he abandoned his hole for one of the ones Suga had started. He dug a little deeper first in one, until it was probably a foot deep and then turned to the one on the other side. He pulled off his own sweatshirt tossing it at Suga. He dug a little and then there was a strange sound and the feeling of the shovel blade biting into something that was not dirt.

“Suga?”

Suga hopped to his feet and joined Daichi as he prodded at the shape carefully.

“It’s just a root,” Suga said discouraged as Daichi moved some of the dirt, trying to widen the corner of the hole where he felt it, nothing appearing.

“No, here,” he gave Suga the shovel and Suga poked around.

“Oh,” he said, Daichi took the shovel back and with some more digging they could finally see the dirty edge of a metal tin. Crouching over the hole, Suga pried it out with his fingers. It was bigger than Daichi remembered, a print of a smiling man holding a cookie on the front, paint eaten away in spots, the tin was rusty, a big dent in it where Daichi had hit it with the shovel.

They sat back in the weeds and Suga tried to get the lid off. It was rusted shut. Daichi got out his keys and tried to pry it off that way, finally cracking open. Inside was a jumble.

“Oh no, Daichi,” Suga said pulling out first the candy bar which looked unsettlingly well preserved.

“Good, I was starting to get hungry,” Daichi said with a grin reaching for it. Suga slapped his hand away.

“Don’t you dare.”

“It’s probably still good.”

“You are _not_ eating that.”

“Please Suga, I’m hungry.”

“NO.”

“I’ll trade you,” Daichi pulled out two tiny pokemon figures.

“I always wondered what happened to those two!” Suga’s eyes were lit up reaching for them. “I forgot I put them in here. I thought I’d lost them or Takeo had stolen them.”

“Look,” he pulled out a plastic bag containing two envelopes.

“Oh no, we are not opening those,” Daichi said snatching the bag out of Suga’s hand and dumping it in the grass.

“Why? You write something embarrassing?”

“We were eleven, I can guarantee they’re both embarrassing.”

“Fair enough,” Suga said pulling out a handful of 100 yen coins to show Daichi. “Thank you past Daichi for your generous contribution.” Daichi laughed. He pulled out a cd case with a burned cd inside, and Suga’s scrawling handwriting on the front in black marker and showed it to Suga whose smile only grew.

“Thank you past Suga for your contribution.”

“We’re listening to that tonight. You can’t stop me.”

“How much you want to bet it’s the pokemon theme song about ten times back to back? Do you think it even still plays?”

“It better,” Suga said digging through the remaining contents, “Daichi what the fuck is this?” Suga dug out two slightly damp folded bits of paper, holding them by the edges that were not covered in blackish brownish spots, moldy and gross.

“Why would I know?”

“You put all the weird stuff in here, they’re probably yours.”

Daichi took one and attempted to unfold it, but whatever they had been was lost to time, they fell apart at his attempts only revealing more moldy spots and smeared long since waterlogged ink.

“Also your contribution,” Suga said pulling out the last thing in the box, a copy of Shonen Jump in a similar state of decay as the folded paper, pages wrinkled and grey, spotted with mildew bits. “What happened to the baseball cards? I could’ve sworn they were in here.” Daichi took the copy of Shonen Jump and as he did out fell a scattering of baseball cards.

“Agh!” Suga reached for them where they lay in the dirt. “Daichi how can I sell them in mint condition if you’re dumping them in the mud.” They were pretty far from mint condition. Not as bad as the other water damaged stuff, but still wrinkled and faded and water spotted.

“Sorry for ruining your priceless collectables,” Daichi laughed. Suga sat back looking at the cards, smiling fondly.

“Let’s open the letters,” he said.

“Let’s not.”

“I’ll let you eat the candy bar.”

“Really?”

“Only if I can open both of them. Didn’t we write them to each other?”

“That sounds extra embarrassing, but I can really eat the candy bar?”

“You wouldn’t.”

“You wanna bet?”

“I don’t really want you dead all that bad,” Suga said eyeing the candy bar where he’d deposited in the pile with their “treasure”. He pulled out the bag with the envelopes. Daichi snatched it out of his hand.

“Why are you so against it? Did you write something really embarrassing?”

“I’m just trying to protect us from ourselves,” Daichi said, “It’d be better to just not read them.”

“The more against this you are, the more I want to read them,” Suga complained. “It’s my forbidden candy bar. I’ll trade you,” he said offering Daichi the candy bar. Daichi laughed at him.

“No deal.”

“Come on. You didn’t really want to eat it did you?”

“Where’d you get that idea? It’s only fifteen years old.”

“Daichi, if you don’t give me the envelopes, I’ll eat it.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“You want to try me?” Suga asked shifting the candy bar in his hands to open the wrapper.

“Suga.”

“Just surrender the envelopes and no one gets hurt.” Daichi didn’t move and Suga ripped open the candy bar. The chocolate on the outside was nearly grey. Suga dropped it to the grass in horror. Daichi burst out laughing as Suga gagged. He kicked it into the hole pushing dirt in on top of it.

“Stop you’re burying my snack.”

“Daichi you sick fuck. Give me the letters now.”

“No, you didn’t eat it, so you don’t get the letters.”

They sorted the contents of the storage unit into four sets, one to save, one to sell, one to donate and one to throw away. Daichi didn’t feel like he had any right to decide that about any of things in the storage unit but Suga insisted.

“I can’t make decisions on all of it, I just physically cannot,” he said, the strain evident in his voice. They pushed through the whole container in one day. The save pile the smallest, it fit into two boxes. The trash they dumped. Suga’s cousin Eita brought his truck to haul the rest of it, donations gotten rid of, consignment for the rest. When they went back to Suga’s house setting down the two boxes that were left Suga lay down on the floor and shut his eyes.

Daichi ordered food and took a shower. When he got out Suga was still where he’d left him, eyes open gazing up at the ceiling.

“You okay?”

Suga shook his head. Daichi brought him a beer from the fridge, setting it down next to Suga’s head. Then he turned on the stereo that was still sitting in the main room and slid the mix cd in from the time capsule. He hit play and waited in the silence for the judgment on whether or not it was ten consecutive tracks of the pokemon theme song.

The doorbell rang and he collected the food.

“I think your cd is no good,” Daichi told Suga who was still laying on the floor, beer untouched.

“Are you trying to make me feel better?”

Daichi sat down next to him and opened the bag, the warmth and smell of good food greeting him.

“Doing my best,” he said and setting the food out on the floor he pulled up the pokemon theme song on youtube on his phone. When it started playing the dull look on Suga’s face brightened.

“Bastard,” he whispered, and then to Daichi’s alarm his eyes filled with tears. Suga rolled over putting his back to Daichi.

“Koushi?”

Suga sniffed sitting up, swiping at his eyes and then punched Daichi in the ribs.

“What was that for?”

“For being you,” Suga said somewhere between sad and happy, he opened the box of food in front of him. Spicy mapo tofu. “I hate how well you know me.” He stuffed his face, tears still escaping his eyes. Daichi opened his own meal, studiously not watching Suga cry. The song stopped playing on his phone. They ate in silence until there was a sound and music started softly from the stereo, in the middle of a song. Daichi looked to Suga.

“Guess it does work?”

He got up to fiddle with the wires, the sound got clearer. Daichi started the song over.

“Mr. Brightside?”

Suga was grinning now, eyes dry.

“My jam.”

“Very 2005.”

“Do you not understand the concept of a _time capsule_?” Suga asked getting to his feet. Daichi turned to him grinning. “Turn it up. We have to dance now.” Suga shook his hips beaming at Daichi. “Remember when we’d turn on the radio when Mom wasn’t home and turn the volume all the way up.”

“She caught us that one time.”

“I was scared she was going to yell but she just danced with us. I was so embarrassed.”

“I thought it was cool. My mom would never have danced with us. Your mom was always cool.”

“She was, wasn’t she,” Suga said, smiling sadly.

“The coolest,” Daichi assured him. The track faded out into something else that Daichi vaguely recognized. Suga retreated to his beer taking a swig, picking up his food to finish.

_Daichi’s dad’s car was filled nearly to the brim with things that hadn’t fit in the moving van. His mom was driving separate with Takeo, a portent of things to come. Suga had helped them cram the last of it in, helped Daichi and his dad rope the two kitchen chairs to the roof of the car. He’d been laughing all the way up to the end, dingy cast still on his arm. It was coming off next week, the first of a million things Daichi was going to miss. Then at last his dad climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine._

_“Alright, Dai, let’s hit the road.”_

_Daichi looked from the car to Suga. His face was a mask of a smile, fake and forced and Daichi felt like a fist was clenched over his heart, squeezing and squeezing until he could barely breathe._

_“You’re gonna write, right?” Daichi asked again._

_“As long as you do,” Suga told him._

_“You have to come visit.”_

_“ **You** have to come visit.”_

_“Koushi.”_

_“I’ll see ya, Sawamura,” Suga said catching his hand and pulling him into a tight hug. Daichi gripped him and clenched his teeth determined not to cry._

_Daichi watched out the window of his Dad’s car, Suga getting smaller and smaller on the sidewalk behind them, until he blurred with the tears burning in Daichi’s eyes._

The beach was dismal and grey, and not the way Daichi remembered it at all. The cold wind was blowing in off the water. Suga had kicked off his shoes, pants rolled up wading through the surf. They were the only two on the beach. Daichi’s memory of this place was the sharpest.

He could see the vacation house his family had rented, the window of the room where he and Suga had laid awake planning their whole future while Takeo drooled into his pillow. They’d crept out in the middle of the night to watch the meteor shower, listening to the roar of the surf. It’d made all the hair stand up on Daichi’s arms, the soft panic still searing in his stomach from that afternoon when Suga had pulled him out of the ocean. They’d driven into town. They’d had to cut off Suga’s cast and give him a new one. He was sure his mother did not buy Suga’s version of what had happened, she had shot Daichi daggers with her eyes the whole time. But when he wasn’t scared shitless that they would slip and saw off Suga’s arm, he was thinking about the waves pushing his body down, the taste of saltwater still biting on his lips no matter how he had tried to rinse out his mouth. When they’d cut off the cast and Suga held his hand, he wondered how much was because Suga was scared and how much because he knew Daichi was so much more scared.

Daichi had some notion of what was in the note he’d written. He remembered enough to think it’d be better if Suga just didn’t read it. He’d nearly imploded their relationship once, he didn’t need any help from his younger self. He was curious about what Suga had written though, not curious enough to risk Suga reading his but it was a moot point now. Suga had both of the letters, tucked in his jacket pocket. He’d said they should read them at the beach. Suga was standing still, water up to his ankles, hands in the pocket of his hoodie staring out to sea. Daichi walked to join him. He hadn’t been back to the ocean since the day Suga had pulled him out, and even now the smell of it brought the flash of terror back, simmering in the pit of his stomach. Today the ocean was dark and menacing rolling up onto the shore with force. The rolled ends of Suga’s jeans were soaked already.

“Is it cold?”

“I can’t feel my feet,” Suga told him. Daichi reached to grab his hood and pull him out of the water. “Hey, hey,” he argued laughing.

“It’s cold as shit out here.”

“Ready to read some embarrassing letters?”

“Do we have to?”

“What did you write Daichi?”

“I don’t know but I’m sure it’s awkward as hell.”

Suga giggled pulling the offending envelope out of his pocket. He offered Daichi the other with his scrawl on the front. Daichi gulped accepting it.

“Ready?” Suga asked, Daichi nodded and then slid his thumb under the seal and opened it. Suga didn’t move, watching him. Daichi pulled out the folded up sheet of paper, unfolding it. It started the same way all his letters from Suga had, informal and chatty. The letter listed all the tracks on the cd, related a memory Daichi had forgotten where they’d chased a cat across town for an entire day only for the cat to scratch both of them and then escape onto a rooftop, a wish that his future self was tall and good looking, that future Daichi was better at receives, that they’d gotten into university in Tokyo. It was as suave as Suga at his best. Suga was still watching him.

“Well?”

“Not embarrassing. You remember that cat the one time?”

“What cat?”

“The big grey one from the garbage can behind the record shop?”

“Oh my god, the one that we almost caught and then it scratched me?”

“It scratched me too,” Daichi said offering him the letter. Suga scanned it with a growing grin.

“Smart kid,” he said handing it back to Daichi. “My turn.” Stomach turning Daichi watched him open the envelope, unfold the sheet, he could see his own heavy handwriting, written with what must’ve been a felt tipped pen, characters bold and bleeding through the paper. Daichi watched Suga’s face, looking for a grimace, a wince, the cringe that he could feel on his own face. Suga’s lips pulled up into a soft smile, nose crinkling. Then he was folding it back up, tucking it into his pocket and reaching to pull Daichi into a tight hug.

Confused Daichi held Suga back.

“Not bad?”

“Not bad,” Suga said breathless, eyes shining.

“Can I read it?”

“Nope, it said it was for my eyes only and if someone who was not me was reading it, that you were putting a curse on them to bleed out of their eyes.”

“Jesus.”

“Serious stuff. I don’t want your eyeballs to bleed so…” Suga said still smiling that gentle smile that was making Daichi’s stomach full of butterflies. “You weren’t that drunk on the balcony then,” he said slowly then taking a serious breath and fixing his eyes on Daichi. Daichi’s heart jumped.

“Are you sure I can’t read the letter?”

“No. No more dodging, Daichi. We’re all the way out here. I pulled you out of the ocean and I can put you back in.”

“That’s not even funny.”

“Daichi I lied.”

“About putting me in the ocean?”

“About how I never looked for you in Tokyo.”

“You what?”

“I went to that address I’d always mailed letters to. There was a mean old man living there and he didn’t know where you’d gone. Your parents weren’t in the phone book. I called all the Sawamuras listed, they weren’t any of them.”

“My mom started going by her family name instead of my dad’s when they separated.”

“At every volleyball tournament I was searching all the teams for you.”

“Suga.”

“I thought maybe you’d moved back to Sendai. We’d missed each other again. Daichi, I…” Suga gulped. “Daichi I missed you so much, all the time. You were all I had left from Miyagi. Why’d you stop writing?”

“I didn’t stop writing, you stopped writing,” Daichi said, struggling to keep up with Suga.

“No, you stopped. The last letter you sent me was the one about the kid with the double jointed elbows and that was it. I thought…” Suga’s face was pink, “I thought you were finally sick of me. You didn’t need me anymore.”

“No there was a letter after that,” Daichi said, “I don’t remember what it was about, I sent it in the winter because then I never got one back and I wanted to write again, but I thought maybe. Maybe you had other friends. It’s normal to grow out of people right? That you’d grown out of me. That we’re perpendicular lines, meeting once and then going separate directions forever.”

“Daichi that doesn’t make any sense, don’t talk math at me.”

“Perpendicular lines,” Daichi demonstrated with his arms. Suga shook his head in denial.

“No we’re definitely parallel.”

“Parallel never intersect at all.”

“Daichi, we aren’t lines,” Suga’s eyes were big.

“The letter must’ve gotten lost in the mail.”

“That’s not a thing that happens.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“It just seems too cruel. Worse than that thing you just said about the lines.”

“Shit, you’re not going to let me live that down are you?”

“No,” Suga was so close now, he seemed to be vibrating, eyes glossy. “Daichi. Even with the misunderstandings… What about the night on the balcony?”

“What about the night on the balcony?”

“You weren’t that drunk.”

“No I wasn’t,” Daichi agreed, Suga took another step. “Why were you pushing me about that anyway?”

“Because,” Suga started, biting his lip while he considered, he shook his head unable to frame it. “I was being dumb. You know I’m dumb right? I dropped out of school, and now I make lattes. I didn’t turn out cool or brave or…”

“Koushi, you’re just fine.”

“No, Daichi I’m not, I’m not tall and handsome, I’m not anything important at all.”

“You’re important to me,” Daichi said settling his hands on Suga’s shoulders. Suga sucked in a shuddering breath. “Do you remember when they took off your cast? The first time?”

“You were crying,” Suga said voice small.

“I was convinced they were going to somehow cut your arm off, and it was all my fault, again,” Daichi said. “All of it was my fault, all these bad things kept happening to you because of me.”

“It wasn’t because of you. None of it,” Suga said, “If I wasn’t so clumsy I wouldn’t have fallen out of the tree, I went into the water because I knew I had to, none of it was your fault. You were there but it wasn’t your fault.”

“But you put your hand on my shoulder and said you weren’t afraid,” Daichi said, “That’s what I think about every time. When we moved to Tokyo. Whenever whatever is happening feels bigger than I can possibly handle, I think about you saying you weren’t afraid that they might cut off your arm. You’re stronger than anyone I know and you always have been.”

“Daichi,” his voice wobbled.

“That night on the balcony, I told you who I liked, didn’t you say you’d tell me who you liked?” Daichi said softer.

“You didn’t tell me.”

“I’m telling you right now, dumbass,” Daichi said smiling.

“Who is it?”

“It’s you.”

“Oh,” Suga’s voice was wobbling.

“Now you tell me.”

“I already did. I called every Sawamura in the phone book. All of them. In Tokyo. That’s a lot, Daichi. I didn’t even make Yaku help me. I… I…” he tried to force it out. “It’s you, Daichi. Even when I said it was that kid from school, it was you. I should’ve told you at the party, and then afterward I tried but then you said you were drunk, I thought it was a mistake. There’s no way. I’m no good, Daichi,” his voice cracked, “And Takeo told me to back off if I was just going to hurt you, and that’s all I’m able to do is hurt…”

Daichi stopped him, lips on his. Suga grabbed hold of his jacket and pulled him tighter, kissing him hungrily.

“You’re sure? You’re sure it’s me?” he asked breathless when they separated. Daichi rolled his eyes.

“Koushi, you’re the bravest, the best person I know. You’re my favorite person. You can’t talk me out of it.”

“Thank god,” Suga whispered resting his head on Daichi’s shoulder.

Daichi wrapped his arms around Suga warm and solid, he could hardly feel the bite of the wind off the sea anymore. Until it began to sprinkle.

“Shit,” Daichi whispered. Suga let go of him, squinting up at the rain, grabbing a fistful of Daichi’s jacket he pulled him back towards the bus shelter.

“Let’s go.”

It really started to rain, coming down in big ice cold droplets as they waited for the bus to take them back into town. Suga slipped his hand into Daichi’s, shoulder to shoulder under the bus shelter.

“What was in the letter?” Daichi couldn’t help from trying to ask again. Suga smiled to himself.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Come on.”

“Just that I was your bestest best friend.”

“No, it had to be worse than that. I wrote something incriminating.”

“You didn’t, just pure wholesome Daichi. What’d you think you wrote?”

“I don’t know. I guess I used to write a lot of letters that I always threw out before I mailed them. Maybe not at eleven but,” Daichi scratched the back of his head feeling heat flush his face. Suga was grinning at him.

“You really are a hopeless romantic.”

The house was empty and somehow it seemed to amplify the sound of the rain.

“Well here it is, the last night in Sendai,” Suga said tiredly, slouched on the couch beside Daichi, wearing a hoodie he’d borrowed from him, a size too big. It was still raining outside hard and heavy, they’d walked from the bus stop in the downpour. Daichi couldn’t get the tips of his fingers to warm up.

“We’ll come back, it’s not forever,” Daichi told him. Suga’s eyes were on Daichi’s hands as he tried to rub them together.

“Here, Daichi,” he said reaching, “Give me your hands.” Reluctantly Daichi let Suga wrap his hands in his own gently rubbing them. His hands were warm and dry, a little rough. Daichi wanted to ask him how they got that way, but found he couldn’t say any words at all, Suga’s eyes on his, warm golden brown. He could feel his body warming. Then Suga was leaning toward him slowly, maybe Daichi was even imagining it, his heart drumming. It was funny to him that his stomach could still be doing these flips even though they were now on the same page, he wasn’t worried that Suga didn’t feel the same, wasn’t worried that somehow he would ruin their friendship.

“Would it be weird?” Suga asked softly.

“I don’t know, weird is subjective,” Daichi said, Suga’s lips quirking up.

“So no?”

“It wouldn’t make me feel weird is all I’m saying,” Daichi, “Do you feel weird…?”

He was cut off as Suga’s mouth met his. Soft, gentle, warm. He let go of Daichi’s hands to cup his face.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he breathed out when they separated.

“Only about half as long as I’ve wanted to,” Daichi told him.

“Is that a challenge? You wanna bet?”

“Nah, I’m too tired for that,” Daichi said adjusting so he could rest his head against Suga’s shoulder. Suga took his hands again.

“You’re just scared you’ll lose. I know for a fact I can both outrun and outswim you, I’ll outlove you too.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“You’ve already lost, Daichi.”

“That’s fine as long as I’m lost with you,” Daichi hummed closing his eyes as Suga leaned back against him, hands still wrapped in his, listening to the rain rattle on the window pane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading friends!  
> Let me know what you thought


End file.
